Beetlejuice bimbo and the gimp.

Y’all, the Republican Party is a joke. But it ain’t funny.

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s gimp strikes again. You see, every so often, Mistress Marge will let Kev out of his box in the basement, permit him to temporarily take off the latex mask and full-body onesie, slide out of those chains and throw a suit and tie on the man and send him up to The Show to do her bidding.

“Bring out the gimp!”

This week, it was impeachment Mistress Marge desired. She has long been fixated on this demand, but until it came time to fund the government and Kevin McChaos was starring down the barrel of a Qrackhead Caucus forced shut down, the Speaker in Name Only was no longer able to keep this one in the chamber. Forced to throw the rabid jackals, whose milky, lifeless eyes were gleaming more and more with an increasingly insatiable appetite for chaos, some red meat before they came for his own hand.

According to the Constitution a President may be impeached for "Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors."which would be totally fine if they went on to define the whole ‘what exactly constitutes a high crime and misdemeanor’ thing… which unfortunately, they don’t. So, it’s left up to scholars, pundits, politicians, legal experts, reporters, dark bar in a strip mall day drinkers, Walmart Karens, bored QAnon rabbit hole grannies and rabidly racist MAGA uncles… to decide what it means.

I admit that I’ve often believed implausible things in my life simply because I wanted them to be true. For example— no matter how many times I was absolutely certain that chasing a whole block of Vermont cheddar cheese with an entire bottle of Malbec was going to result in my body turning into a carb-free fat burning Ketosis machine, it never seemed to happen. Boy oh boy would you marvel at how “and yet she persisted” night after night devoted I was to making that a reality. 8 pounds in the span of a month later, I began to accept that it wasn’t in fact, going to become a reality, although some bigger jeans were… but I digress.

Republicans really want to make it true that they have legitimate grounds for impeaching Biden. But they’d have a better shot of that being true with the cheese and the wine mentioned above as opposed to the “laptop full of hacked information and passed around more times than Madison Cawthorn’s furry buttplug at a Republican coke orgy” has all the receipts we need to prove the crimes we are alleging so-called “evidence” they have in their possession.

And I understand that the nature of leaving things open to interpretation means that there will be a spectrum of differences of opinion which generally speaking, tend to stem from reason and that logical conclusions are reached by a natural progression of coherent thought—but this is 2023, and when you’re talking about the space laser forest fire folks, all bets are off.

That said, I don’t think it confirms any political bias on my part to conclude that ‘because we fucking want to’ doesn’t have anything to do with the actions of the President, but everything to do with the whims of his absolutely batshit adversaries and as such, it does not fall under the definition of a high crime or a misdemeanor and therefore is not in fact a legitimate reason to impeach a sitting President. Call me old fashioned.

In much the same way that “empty the safe and give me all the bank’s money” when directed at a teller at the end of a gun is not a regular banking transaction, ‘I’m gonna get even with them at the behest of the guy they impeached’ as the impetus for impeachment is not normal Congressional oversight on the Executive Branch either.

But Republicans don’t give a fuck about rules. And House Republicans really, really don’t give a Fuck. They’re gonna do what they want. Adam Schiff didn’t lie when he led the impeachment team against Trump, but that didn’t stop Kev and the Qrackhead caucus from censuring him for “lying” anyway.

I mean, we’re talking about 118 Representatives who voted against certifying the 2020 election. EVEN AFTER the violent insurrection. And after they committed that incredibly treasonous, anti-democratic act, they were sent BACK to Congress by their constituents to serve. Not exactly what you’d call a “deterrent” to fuckery. In fact, they were handed a blank check for calamity and written in the notes were the words “create chaos”.

They aren’t there to govern. They hate government. They don’t believe in government. They’re there to break shit. They’re there to dismantle. They’re there to create a distraction and to run cover for Mr. BreakShit himself, Donald Trump. They’re there to finish the work they started on January 6th in tandem with the now largely imprisoned or formerly imprisoned or about to be imprisoned domestic terrorists. But they don’t need zip ties, bear spray or stolen police shields this time around. They have Kevin McCarthy at the end of a chain in Marge’s basement. He can’t even wipe his own ass without being told to, but that’s ok, because he got a title, stripped of all of its power and a two-room Speaker’s suite. And if he’s a very bad boy and doesn’t comply he’ll lose all of that too. And then he’ll have been Marge’s gimp for nothing.