Curtains close on Cosplay Camelot.

Knock-off Jack Kennedy and Jackie O-no-they-were-not.

Welp, and just like that, it’s over for Ron and Casey DeSantis. It never really started of course, but don’t tell him that or he might wipe a booger on you.

He was the big engine that couldn’t — all that big RINO donor money, all those expectations, all that punditry suggesting he was “the one.” His campaign never ran smoothy, instead of gliding over hills effortlessly, it struggled to even get moving at all; a constant cacophony of clanks, wheezes, and groans culminating in an unsettling symphony of mechanical distress manifested in the human-esque awkwardness of Ron DeSantis.

Who the hell honestly and truly believed they were gonna make DeSantis happen? I’m serious. Is it that the Republican Party is so bereft of viably electable political “talent” that the guy who finger fucks pudding cups in corners was their vision of the future?

Had not a one of them been paying attention? This was a guy who literally RAN on being a mini-Trump. He had an actual campaign ad in which he and one of his small children “built the wall” out of blocks. He ran on the same kinds of hateful fear-mongering as Trump, arguably even more retributive than the rancid-sea-urchin he so closely modeled. He became a “darling” of the right for his willingness to let the people of his state die from COVID.

He was rude to reporters, insulted and mocked Biden, withheld Covid data, threatened scientists, traveled the WORLD on the taxpayer’s dime, derided kids for wearing masks, flew migrants to Martha’s Vineyard for kicks, banned books and stripped of their rights nearly every single marginalized group in existence, even making some up if he had to keep the rabid base nicely chummed.

“Today, I am announcing that I will be taking executive action to prohibit left-handed wooden Santa people from doing the reverse cowgirl on school property.”

The guy got into a fucking fight with Mickey Mouse, ok.

Mickey. Mouse.

He has the likability of genital warts. He makes a root canal without Novocaine look like a vacation. He’s as naturally conversant as a mime with a phobia of hands. The guy makes Mayo look spicy. And he wipes his bodily fluid all over his face and hands and other peoples hands so friggin often, that you could legitimately make a case for him being an actual alien sent from another planet to infect humans with his mind-controlling alien nose-goo.