Idiot-in-Chief

How the Human Word Salad Wants to Nuke Education Because He’s Terrified You’ll Learn He’s Full of Shit

Ok, before we get to the bloviating bag of hair above, I have a confession I need to make…

I’ve been crying. Not like for a minute. Not for an hour. Not here or there, once in a while or every now and then… I’ve been crying a lot, like daily, sometimes several times a day. Sometimes I cry so hard, if I’m sitting on the couch, my eyes make a sad little puddle tribute to despondency at my feet. Sometimes, I sit at my desk and just openly weep into my hands until I need coasters for my tear-slicked elbows lest they slide off the desk like it’s 1984 and someone’s dad WD-40’d them. Sometimes I cry so hard and for so long I actually wonder if I’ll run out of tears. That is of course, until the news of yet another seemingly unthinkable assault on basic human decency and the perpetuation of a little thing called democracy scrolls across my tv screen in basic black and white text like the NBA scores at Pooter’s sports bar in Shoot Yer Dinner, Arkansas.

And then I cry some more.

But here’s the thing, it’s ok to cry. Hell, right now, NOT crying over some of this shit might actually be more worrisome than randomly raining sobbing snot bubbles onto the tv remote in the middle of Maddow.

It’s a lot. The suck of it all… well, quite frankly, it fucking sucks. It hurts, it frightens, it freaks the fuck out, and we are, ok, maybe Elon isn’t, but the rest of us are… human.

And what’s happening right now, in what feels like every formerly cobwebbed corner of “seemingly normal” America, is about as inhumane as anything could ever be.

Ok, we’re not QUITE there yet, but we certainly are in the EZ-Pass lane on the way TO there.

And we feel things. We can try to tell ourselves that we don’t, but we do. We feel sad and scared and angry and depressed and disheartened and disengaged and overwhelmed and isolated and alone.

Because of course we do. Because we are human beings. And because they, the melty car “protestors are infidels” gaslighting, flag-wrapped fascists “they”, want us to feel all of that.

Because it helps them for us to be there.

When we’re there, especially when we take up residence there, they thrive. That’s when they seize control.

And we can’t allow that.

So, for me anyway — as crazy as it may sound, one thing I strive to do, is to laugh. And maybe, just maybe, to make other people laugh too. Whenever I fucking can.

Everything feels so beyond our reach right now, so out of our hands, so “accept this insanity or you’re on your way to hard labor in El Salvador” insane, that sometimes laughter is the only way through.

When everything is designed to make us feel powerless, laughing through hardship reminds us that we’re still in control of our heart and mind.

So, with that all said — when that admission test dodging meatpuppet twat gleefully “eliminated the department of education” yesterday, I was a mess.

You see, for those who don’t know, I worked as a paraprofessional for almost 7 years, and while it was the most physically, emotionally challenging work of my life, it was also the most rewarding. And all I could think about were those kids. Those innocent, beautiful kids.

And it broke me a little.

So I cried. I cried a lot.

And then, I wiped my snotty nose, dusted myself off, and decided that I would try, just try, to laugh at Trump’s expense. It’s not really all that hard to after all.

So, here goes…

Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round, because we’re about to travel down into the intellectual black hole that is the guy who thinks “bigly” is a real word and that windmills are out to kill you. That’s right—this sentient pile of expired Lunchables wants to eliminate the Department of Education. Why? Because nothing says “stable genius” like ensuring future generations are just as fucking dumb as he is.

Let’s start with the basics: this is a man who couldn’t pass a fifth-grade geography quiz if the answers were tattooed on his bloated orange forehead. Remember when he said Colorado borders Mexico? Colorado. The state that’s closer to fucking Canada than it is to Mexico. But sure, let’s let this guy weigh in on the future of education. Why not? Who better to dismantle the system than someone who probably thinks the SAT is a new kind of McDonald’s value meal?

And let’s not forget his legendary grasp of the English language. This is the same guy who gave us gems like “covfefe,” “oranges” (when he meant “origins”), and “Yo-semites,” as if Yosemite National Park moonlights as a Jewish comedy club. Oh, and who could forget “hamberders”? Because apparently, spelling “hamburgers” correctly is just too much intellectual heavy lifting. But don’t worry, folks—he’s got “the best words.” The BEST words. If by “best” you mean “a random assortment of syllables vomited out by a malfunctioning Speak & Spell.”

Remember when the sharp as a marble shit-for-brains bragged about “acing” a cognitive test that required him to identify a fucking elephant. AN ELEPHANT. A test designed to check if your brain hasn’t completely given up on you. And yet, he repeated “person, woman, man, camera, TV” like he’d just cracked the goddamn Da Vinci Code. Imagine being so proud of passing a test meant for people worried they might have dementia that you bring it up in every conversation like it’s your crowning achievement. That’s not genius—it’s desperation dipped in stupidity.

But here’s the kicker: this isn’t just about him being a moron. It’s about the fact that he’s actively trying to drag the rest of us down to his level. Eliminating the Department of Education isn’t just a bad idea—it’s a fucking catastrophic one. It’s like handing a blindfolded toddler hopped up on Fun Dip and Jolt Cola a chainsaw and saying, “Go nuts, kid.” It’s a move so profoundly stupid that it almost feels intentional, like he’s trying to make sure no one else has the tools to call him out on his bullshit.

Because let’s be real: educated people are his worst nightmare. They’re the ones who can fact-check his bullshit, see through his lies, and call him out for being the human embodiment of a used bandaid. And he can’t have that. Oh no. That mutton headed halfwit needs a population that’s just smart enough to buy his merch but too dumb to question why the guy selling them a Chinese-made MAGA hat also thinks injecting bleach might cure COVID.

(Narrator: it fucking doesn’t).

And don’t even get me started on his supporters. If you’re still on Team Bozo at this point, I have to assume you’ve either suffered a traumatic brain injury, you’ve eaten too much glue, or you have a kink for being fucking conned. Because that melon-hued motherfucker once looked directly at a solar eclipse without glasses, and you’re out there treating him like he’s the second coming of Einstein. Newsflash: he’s not Einstein. He’s not even the guy who cleaned Einstein’s fucking toilets. He’s the guy who would look at a “Wet Floor” sign and think it’s a challenge.

But hey, maybe that’s the plan. Maybe he wants to turn the entire country into a reality TV show where everyone’s too fucking blissfully boneheaded to realize they’re being played. Maybe he’s banking on the fact that if you can’t read, you can’t Google all the ways he’s fucked you over.

Either way, the idea of this yam-dyed dunce having any say over education is like handing the controls of a submarine to a hyper-caffeinated ferret. Sure, it might be entertaining to watch for a hot second, but before you know it, we’re 20,000 leagues under WTF, drowning in leaks, confusion, and the haunting sound of some petrified polecat huddled in the corner while softly muttering, "My bad," like it’s a life raft.

This is the same Day One Dickwit who thought airports existed during the Revolutionary War. The same guy who can’t spell “coffee” but wants to dismantle the system that taught you how to. The same guy who thinks “Nambia” is a real country and that the moon is part of Mars. That chowderheaded boob could be tasked with counting his dick and not get the same number twice.

So, fuck this scratch-n-sniff shidiot, fuck his war on education, and fuck anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to let a “j for genius” jackhole who can’t spell “education” destroy it.

The end.

And with that, today’s song.

Love you guys.

Stay safe, stay sane-ish, stay strong, stay away from my tear tsunamis.

(I’m kidding, it really is ok to cry).

💙Jo