Roses are red (white and blue).

An ode to day drunks and douchebags.

^photo courteously of the Daily Show

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

He said the Haitians

We’re eating the cats and dogs too.

A spray-tan Napoleon, loud and obscene,

With a diet of lies and Big Macs in between.

He grifts and he schemes, all bluster, no brains,

A dirty diapered legacy built on daddy’s remains.

His hands are so wee, they can't cradle Mel’s heart—or grip his phone long enough to tweet out a single coherent thought.

Everything’s stupid, it’s all fucking trash—

The world’s on fire, but they’re hoarding the cash.

Billionaires waving their rockets like dicks,

While the rest of us wonder who’ll die for their kicks.

Exploding cars that can’t even park,

But hey, they’re “green,” so I guess that’s a start.

The planet’s a joke, we’re all gonna fry,

While broligarchs race to play Mario Kart in the sky.

Politics? A shitshow. The news? That’s a joke.

The planet’s a bong, and we’re all secondhand smoke.

Let’s invade Canada for maple and vibes,

Then rename it the Gulf of ‘merica’—pure colonial pride.

We’ll Conquer Greenland next, ‘cause why the fuck not?

Douchey Don Jr can claim the ice pots.

Sugar is sweet,

And so is champagne,

But a hot tub reality star

Is now in charge of our planes.

The world's gone wild,

Logic's past tense,

And a wife beating day drunk

Now runs Defense.

A dead brain worm’s smarter,

That much is plain,

Yet somehow that bear dumper

Heads the HHS train!

A Russian asset’s calling

The national intel game,

With spy novels blushing

At her sheer lack of shame.

Oh and JD f’ng Vance?

Man, is that guy a clown—

Got busy with a couch, is that how he gets down?

Eggs are more pricey,

But here is the deal,

It’s not DEI hires—

It’s the orange fucking idiot asleep at the wheel.

Minds are unraveling,

They’ve lost all their chill,

Everything’s broken,

How long before ramen costs a hundred dollar bill?

They swallowed the hate,

Bought every last lie—

Now they’re choking on flames,

As the sparks multiply.

As they cheers to the pain,

The stress, and the strife,

All to line rich fuck’s pockets

While they coupon through life.

The Wi-Fi is lagging,

Planes fall from the skies,

The gas bills are climbing,

And so are the cries.

The rent’s through the roof,

Patience runs thin,

They just keep on losing

Because the rich always win.

MAGAidiots are learning,

They’re finding the fuck out,

The promises made

Ain’t what it’s about.

They cast their votes,

What a hell of a twist—

For a felon who’s robbing them

Hand over fist.

Their votes backfired,

Their hopes got played,

While the ones they trusted

Just laugh and get paid.

They found out the truth,

Now shit’s out of hand—

The bullshit they believed

Built this dumpster fire land.

Bird flu is raging,

The shelves have gone bare,

But billionaires feast

Without a motherfucking care.

And here we all stand,

Front row to the show,

Chewing our lips like,

"Don’t say it... don’t say it... okay, I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!"

Stay quiet, they’ll shout,

“A mandate, no doubt!”

But we know damn well—

That’s bullshit they tout.

And when we protest, “Cry harder!” they’ll say,

While gelding themselves in some performative way.

So raise up your voice,

Don’t whisper or doubt—

Yell it so hard,

Even your loser ex hears you out.

Sure, today is a day made for roses,

For chocolates and bliss,

But Valentine’s Day’s a construct,

While the fight is what persists.

Love is not found inside of a card,

Nor in the hearts on display—

It’s in battles we weather,

And the strength we convey.

True love is the bond

Of a strong, steady team—

A community holding

Each other’s shared dreams.

To feel safe, to feel seen,

To be heard and feel sane—

Together we rise,

Through the joy and the pain.

Stay brave, my dear friends,

You are more than you know—

I see all your courage,

And I’m grateful it shows.

We’re not going anywhere,

We’ll stand side by side—

Through the darkest of nights,

And the roughest of tides.

And fuck all the fascists,

Their cruelty, their greed—

We’ll shatter their systems,

We’ll plant better seeds.

With laughter, with rage,

And with hearts full of fire,

We’ll burn down their hatred

And build something higher.

So stay strong, my dear friends,

We are powerful, vast—

Our love is the weapon

That always will last.

Through the darkness, we run,

This fight’s far from done—

Together we’ll rise,

Until together, we’ve won.

And this one is from the “Gulf Formerly Known As”…

Roses are red,

My waves gently flow,

But now I’m “the Gulf of America”—

Where’d “of Mexico” go?

I had a great name,

It rolled off the tongue,

Then stupido dropped the best part,

But what have I done?

So this Valentine’s Day,

Let’s fix what YOU wrecked,

Bring back my full name Pendejo—

Show a little respect!

- The GULF of MEXICO

Love you guys!

Happy VD day.

Fuck Phony Stark, fuck the DOGEbags and no more fucking boogers on the Resolute Desk!!

And in honor of this day, I am sharing the song I walked down the aisle to. (Ok, ok it was an acoustic version but still).

Shockingly my marriage didn’t work out. 🤪

(Speaking of rice…) 😉