Small “kick” energy and the Red Tie Gimp Brigade™

MAGA’s notion of “masculinity” is a hot f*cking mess.

(MAGA men know as much about masculinity as I know about quantum physics and I know fuck-all about quantum physics).

This ain’t new of course, but this past week, Team “Are you small in the pants, because based on your actions I get the strongest sense that you’re real insecure about what ya got going on down there, and I’m not typically a bigger is better type of person, I’m really not, because I’ve seen some shit and done some shit where that is not at all the case, but I feel like in your particular situation it very well might apply, so let’s have a look shall we” flew their toxic masculinity overcompensation flags high as fuck for all the world to see, so let’s talk about it.

Let’s start with Mr. “Low kick energy” himself, Harrison Butker, because as a single mom raising two not-quite-so-small human beings while busting my ass every single day to carve out for myself the kind of career which will provide well for them and empower me at the same time, you know what I love, what I truly, truly love… it is to hear some extremely pretty, mommy-funded, fairly unexceptional man with a penchant for oddly-tailored, brightly-colored suits and more product in his hair than a helluva lot of the drag queens he so publicly disapproves of, tell a room full of women in the midst of celebrating their greatest-to-date educational accomplishments, that the thing they should really be looking forward to most after graduation isn’t a promotion or a raise or a professional title… but a husband, kids and a job as a “homemaker.” Because yes, apparently that is in fact, still a word in the year 2024. I know, because I googled it.

And it’s fucking ridiculous.

And I say this as someone who dreamt of having kids for as long as I can remember ever wanting anything.

But, I also wanted a career. And I never, ever saw any of that as a binary choice until I actually HAD kids because why would I? Why should I ? Why couldn’t I have it all?

And why couldn’t we? Why can’t we? Where was it written that it was up to us women to choose to stay home with the kids? The men were just off the hook there? Really? Did I miss the handout? Was it in Mitt Romney’s binder? Was it an email? I am notoriously bad about checking email.

Actually, this latest iteration was written in the MAGA-Bro-Bible. The one which tells the soft-palmed fellas with the ultra-tight t-shirts who kiss their wives like someone asked them to taste the milk because they think it’s spoiled, that they are the embodiment of manliness because they hate people for living their lives authentically. Especially when they so clearly cannot.

And as an aside - no one who rocks pink-gingham-check-suit-jackets, a meticulously manicured beard and a carefully-arranged coif just casually “decides” that a Catholic college commencement speech is the place to rail against Pride month and advocate for women finding the Glory in washing their husband’s feet. They NEED to say those things in a very public way because they don’t want anyone to see who they truly are. They don’t want anyone to see what they are hiding. What they’re ashamed of. So, they overcompensate. Which is ironic, because it’s always the tell.

No one goes so far out of their way to make SURE everyone knows how “masculine” they are and how subservient women should be for no reason whatsoever.

No one.

Especially not this guy:

But you don’t have to take my word for it, just ask the Benedictine College nuns, who had PLENTY to say in response to the kicker’s public tirade.

“One of our concerns was the assertion that being a homemaker is the highest calling for a woman,” they said. “We sisters have dedicated our lives to God and God’s people, including the many women whom we have taught and influenced during the past 160 years. These women have made a tremendous difference in the world in their roles as wives and mothers and through their God-given gifts in leadership, scholarship, and their careers.”

While ‘I’m not hiding anything just ask my “friend” Josh Hawley’ Butker was trolling “Tay Tay” Taylor Swift (another very subtle wink wink nudge nudge), over here in the tri-state area we were contending with a swarm of critters so repulsive in nature they put the sex-crazed STD zombie cicadas to shame.

(That is a real thing and yes I am obsessed with it).

The Red Tie Gimp Brigade™ as I call them, descended upon NYC.

Summoned to the Eye of Snoreon by the Godfarter himself, they came to the Big Apple in their matching red ties and blue suits (except for Lauren Boebert who misunderstood “blue” for “blew” and thought it was an invitation to a kid’s musical) to DEFEND THE HONOR THEIR KING for fucking a porn star and a playmate while married and then paying them to keep quite about it in order to win an election.