Taylor Swift makes MAGA tremble.

They need to calm down.

Holy shit, MAGA is so upset right now you’d think Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama and Megan Rapinoe had just shown up at one of their ammosexual safe space shooting ranges in an electric car, carrying a case of Bud Light and a bag of kitty litter for random “kindergartner grooming” all while loudly and proudly debating who had the most abortions that day.

“Well, as a matter of fact, Michelle, I had 14 abortions before breakfast this morning. I had a custom abortion clinic built in my basement last spring after I got bored of the secret cabal of baby eating pedophiles, and now I can have abortions all day long. I don’t even have eggs anymore, I just inseminate myself with the fertilized eggs Satan sends up every month as part of my pact with him, cast a few demonic spells and then VOILA, I’m ready to abort. Pass me a Bud Light and that AR, would you?”

And while I can see how that might be a little triggering to a bunch of dudes who dry-hump their handguns — it’s not that, its not even close to that… it’s just that a pretty pop star who once upon a time encouraged young people to register to vote has the nerve to show up to watch her superstar tight-end boyfriend play football.

And for MAGA — that is a red fucking line.

How dare she be a wildly successful, self-made mega-star billionaire who has worked her ass off and built an empire off of her massive talent? How dare she have the audacity to show up to watch her extremely handsome and (aptly named if I do say so myself) tight-end boyfriend play a sport he gets paid millions of dollars to play.

Why do they have to be subjected to her budding romance all over their tv screens after all those years of them saying they were boycotting football on account of the fact that a black man took a knee to protest police brutality.

How dare she remind them of the fact that despite all those touchdowns they scored as the star of the Fighting Feral Hog’s high school football team way back in 1989, that the closest they ever got to an NFL playoff game was the Applebee’s high-top next to the big screen tv.

How dare she remind them that unlike Travis Kelce, hot young blondes weren’t lining up to kiss them and that their own wives recoiled, dry-heaved or faked being asleep at the mere thought of their physical touch.

How dare she remind them of their own inadequacies when as white men they were promised a lifetime of dominance regardless of accomplishment.

How dare she?

Let’s just put it as plainly as possible — MAGA dudes are not ok.