The 9-layer dip of darkness that is Team Damaged Goods.
The two adult-sized little boys who plan to make all of us pay for their personal pain.
I’m not a meteorologist, but I can still look outside and see that it’s raining. I’m not an expert on soccer but I can still look at the scoreboard and tell you which team is winning. I’m not a dairy farmer, but I still know that when my milk is chunky it probably means I shouldn’t drink it.
And while I may be a teeny bit crazy myself (that’s right, I said teeny bit and I’m sticking with it no matter what my friends and family say), I am definitely not a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a sociologist, a therapist or an expert on childhood development, hell, I’m a mom and I’m not even an expert on my own kids, but when I hear a certain nearly 80-year old man saying he wouldn’t rape women who weren’t “his type”, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s someone who is deeply, deeply fucked in the head.
I think we can all agree on that, right?
And while I don’t have an “ist” in my job title, I’ve lived a fairly long and deeply weird life full of folks like the Republican convict for President, and I therefore also know that a level of fucked-in-the-headness like his ain’t perpetually on display unless there’s an accompanying metric fuckton of unresolved, unexplored, untreated psychological trauma brewing like a category 5 hurricane behind the scenes, but hardly out of view.
(Also one that’s extremely wet, from the standpoint of water but I digress).
To put it more bluntly — Donald Trump is totally, completely, unapologetically and irrevocably fucked up. I’m pretty sure we all know that by now. Whether it’s as a result of his unloving father sending him away to military school at a pivotal age, his mother’s coldness and lack of affection, his endless quest for the kind of validation he’s always wanted and cannot find because he is a talentless, spoiled, silver-spoon shithead, or that he is quite literally the spawn of Satan himself, you just don’t end up being the kind of person who can shrug off the deaths of thousands of Americans a day, when you’re the one people are kinda sorta expecting to do something to stop it, unless something is big-time broken inside. A lot of somethings.
We’re talking about a guy who as a little kid, threw rocks at babies folks. You don’t have to be Freud to recognize that grownup Chucky’s got some shit going on.
Despite that fact, and coupled with a whole bunch of folks ignoring the evidence of their own eyes and ears and expecting him to “grow into the office”, he managed to ascend to the presidency (hat tips to James Comey and Valdmir Putin for the assists on that shit).
And as it turns out, that shit went about as well as one of those surgeries you hear about where the lady goes in for a simple gallbladder procedure and walks out without a foot, because they had their patients mixed up and the foot guy was already in post-op gallbladder surgery recovery, only in this case, the patient is America and the foot whoopsie surgeon is Trump.
Kinda like that, only worse.
A clearly unstable sociopath was put in charge of our collective safety which was super inconvenient for all the parties involved because we very much wanted our collective to be safe, and he very much didn’t give a single solitary fuck. He doesn’t give a fuck about us at all. He never has and he never will.
And while I’m still here thank God, and able to write this after his catastrophic four years in office, and presumably you’re still here too because you’re able to read this, more than a million Americans who might have been here today, aren’t. And while that carnage is not solely as a result of his disastrous at best “handling” of the pandemic, the vast majority of it is 100% attributable to him.
And remember - he managed to fuck up that badly when there were still so-called “grownups” in the room to “check” his worst impulses. To “keep him in line.”
That was when he still had someone like Pence by his side, whose identity issues seem to skew slightly less nefarious if not exactly well-adjusted or well-intentioned. Pence at least seems to have some sense of morality. I mean the guy got called a pussy and was nearly hanged for not shanking our country on January 6th.
And it’s also worth pointing out that he was one of the first, and certainly one of the most prominent Republicans, to say he would not and could not vote for Trump in November. Apparently running from the rabid mob sent by your boss to hang you and your entire family is a red line for some folks. Who knew?
So, all of this lands us here — looking at a reality where not only would all of the “adults in the room” be missing from a second Trump “administration”, they’d be replaced with a who’s who of fucked-in-the-heads like Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, Michael Flynn, Roger Stone, Cash Patel, Corey Lewandowski and Peter Navarro. (I had to take a shot of tequila in the middle of imagining that buffet of blech).
But what makes this nightmare scenario so, so, SO much worse — is that added to that malevolent mix is the couch-fucking, cat lady hating, donut order malfunctioning, pool shirt wearing, name changing, flip-flopping, woman-hating weirdo of the century if not in the history of the world that is… JD fucking Vance.
A replacement VP because the last guy apparently doesn’t have a hanging kink in his fetish-folio.
And JD doesn’t just bring a poorly executed smoky eye and a Karen haircut to the table, he’s bringing a Mt. Everest of baggage with him too, since he’s clearly at least as fucked-in-the-head as Trump is.
I might even argue, he’s somehow actually WORSE. I won’t argue that though, because we aren’t exactly comparing apples to apples here and one man’s mommy issues derived fucked-in-the-headness can actually be just as bad as another man’s daddy issues derived fucked-in-the-headness. So, I’ll call this one a toss up. A toss up that would be really, REALLY fucking bad for America.
Remember — this whole shit sandwich is not only about Trump staying the fuck out of the pokey, but also about Trump exacting retribution on anyone and everyone who had anything to do with any consequences of any kind related to the traitorous and criminal things he got in trouble for doing.
He wants revenge on anyone who confirmed that he was a loser when he lost in 2020. And that’s about way more than the results of an election. That’s that young boy stuck inside of him who daddy never praised. That’s the insatiable need to prove to the world (ehem, to daddy) that he is special. That he is worthy. That he is someone.
That’s a large part of the reason he cannot admit out loud that he lost. He can’t deal in the reality of who he is. Of how unexceptional he is. It’s why he combs the 15 remaining hairs on his head into that weird ass straw bouffant, it’s why he paints himself orange, it’s why he wears a girdle and lifts in his shoes. He believes others will see a magnificent specimen with a gloriously full head of hair and sun kissed skin.
It’s why he mocks others for their looks all the time. He’s a bully. And that’s what bullies do. They go after others to ease their own insecurities. It’s also why he attacks people like John McCain. A man of genuine accomplishment and honor existing in Trump’s world is to him like being pantsed in front of everyone in the lunchroom every single day.
Can you imagine an unchecked and emboldened Trump in the White House again? Surrounded by child separation policy sickos like Bannon and Miller? Can you imagine what he will do and to how many people to self-soothe?
The retribution Vance is seeking not so subconsciously (the guy is about as deeply nuanced as a hemorrhoid) is more specific in many ways than Trump’s. When you learn about his turbulent childhood, which he himself revealed in his fake hillbilly book, you realize that this was a child who never knew what it was like to have a stable home life. His mom’s struggles with addiction took a tremendous toll on him. Men were in and out of his life and his mom couldn’t be counted on to be there for him, so young JD’s reality was one of neglect, instability, inconsistency, turmoil and abuse.
And to be crystal clear, I don’t fault him for that. He was an innocent little boy who had to endure a massive amount of trauma through no fault of his own. And it’s heartbreaking.
I know that pain intimately. I know how the trauma metastasizes. I know how it can bubble up to the surface when you least expect it, and I know how hard you have to work to keep it from anyone’s view. I know because I too endured abuse as a child. And I know how that abuse has shaped me and changed me, but I also know that I have a lot of choices when it comes to the power I let that pain have over me.
I didn’t always know that, but through therapy and a lot of hard work, I’ve been learning how to stop letting my demons dictate my choices.
Not only isn’t JD Vance there, he’s increasingly leaning into the opposite. His unresolved anger at his mother keeps revealing itself in the things that he says.
The things he says specifically about women.
And it’s dark. It’s dark as fuck.
I think he wants to punish his mom for his childhood. I don’t think HE thinks that’s what’s behind the shit he says, but someone who isn’t really dealing with their own trauma simply can’t make that kind of conscious connection.
But when you look at the now laundry list of examples which illustrate what I’m talking about, it’s hard for the rest of us not to make this tragic connection.
For example, he wants abused women to stay with their abusers. He wants to end no-fault divorce. He wants to dictate a woman’s reproductive choices and he wants to force women to stay home by not providing childcare assistance.
He’s also made dozens of demeaning comments about “childless cat ladies” somehow having “less of a stake” in America. And he’s frequently alluded to the fact that he believes a woman’s job in this world is to have babies and to stay home to raise them.
Which is weird, because before he turned to the dark side, JD married a woman with an exceptionally successful career, one which meant they as a family had to move across the country to accommodate it.
Of course, JD had the luxury of having a mother-in-law who was willing to give up her own career to help raise his kids, and now, “ask grandma and grandpa” is his answer to making childcare more affordable as if we all have a spare set of parents just waiting around for that call.
His recent comments on gun violence are extremely telling too.
He said that school shootings were a “fact of life.” Something we have to “live with.”
That’s JD’s trauma talking too. I can bet there were many times little JD had to tell himself that violence was a fact of life. That it was just something he had to live with. That coping mechanism helps soothe the subconscious because then each new incident packs a slightly more muted punch in your mind, even if only temporarily. That’s something I did too.
We often do whatever it takes to get through. To cope. To survive. A lot of the time, those things end up being the last things we really should have done.
Look, no one would wish for someone else to experience childhood trauma. No one would want a child to have to endure abuse. As a survivor myself, I know that it’s really hard to navigate life when chained to all of that darkness.
But I also know that we don’t have to perpetuate abuse. We don’t have to let our own struggles manifest themselves in intentional or even unintentional harm to others. I know that we have a responsibility to ourselves and those whose lives we impact, to do the work to make sure we aren’t seeking to hurt them in an effort to make ourselves somehow feel “better.”
Donald Trump and JD Vance might just be inherently evil, awful men. They might read this and say that I’m full of shit.
But I know I’m not. And a whole lot of us know this shit is accurate whether you’re a survivor yourself or not.
I fundamentally believe that those two men are letting their own trauma dictate their destructive paths. No, not exclusively, there a million, trillion other factors involved too, and yeah, they are both insufferable assholes, but that core idea, that they cannot accept, recognize or address their own deeply-rooted, foundational pain shouldn’t go without notice.
Because we aren’t just talking about the impact this shit could have on a family, a workplace or a friend group.
We’re talking about the two highest political offices in our country. Two of the most impactful in all the world. We’re talking about an executive branch, which thanks to the Federalist Society Supreme Court, has newly, untested and potentially terrifying powers.
And if all of that power is placed in the hands of two dudes who have some emotional scars with accompanying scores to settle, we will be the ones who pay the price for their pain.
And there’s no way that ends well for anyone.
They need help, not the nuclear codes. And if they’re not gonna get the first part, they’re sure as shit not fit to go near the second.
Vote accordingly.
And if you or someone you love is dealing with unresolved trauma, don’t give up. Don’t let it overtake you. There are ways to reclaim your power over your pain. No one blames you for what was done to you. You were a victim. But you can choose to be a survivor now.
It’s not easy. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes work. But in the end, you can set yourself free from what was done to you. You can heal. And then the possibilities are endless.
But please know that you’re not alone.
Think of how much damage we could have avoided as a nation if those two men had ever just looked inward and done the work.
Don’t be like them.
We are better than that. We all deserve better than that.
Maybe those two dickheads and their cronies don’t, but the rest of us do.
Let’s talk about tonight’s debate. What are you expecting? What are you worried about? What are you eating and drinking while watching? 👇
💙 There are several hotlines and resources that can help with finding mental health care, including:
SAMHSA's National Helpline: Call 1-800-662-HELP for free and confidential information and treatment referrals for mental health and substance use disorders. This service is available 24/7, 365 days a year in English and Spanish.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call 988 for 24-hour, toll-free, and confidential support for people in distress.
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) Information Resource Center: Call 1-866-615-6464, or use the live online chat or email nimhinfo@nih.gov Monday through Friday from 8:30 AM to 5 PM ET.
NAMI HelpLine: Call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) for one-on-one help and information.
FindTreatment.gov: A confidential and anonymous resource for people seeking treatment for mental health and substance use disorders.
Psychology Today “Find a Therapist” search tool: A list of therapists in many locations in the country.
Contact your health insurance company: They can help you find providers in your network.
There are more people than we realize who suffered through ceaseless trauma in our childhood. I'm one of them. For most of us it teaches empathy for our fellow humans, for others (DJT & Vance being prime examples) they are just left with rage. Those people should not hold power, ever.
Great work Jo. I for one hope that the orange anus goes full on bonkers tonight. So badly that the MSM has to call him out on it. I am not confident that they will, however, we can only hope. It just astounds me that fully 40% of the American electorate look at their shit and are ok with that.