The cautionary tale of Veruca Salt.

A whole bunch of folks will take us all down the bad egg shoot if they don’t stop.

Here’s a snapshot of the last dozen or so days:

“What about the ghost of Betty White and children’s cartoon character Caillou? Yeah, he’s fucking annoying you’re right, he’ll never win New Jersey. Ok, one of the Bubble Guppies? What about my dog, Charlie, who doesn’t love dogs, a dog would be a better debater, right? Or… wait, wait — a bucket of KFC and Iron Man, you know, before the thing with the thing? I’d sure as shit like a finger-licking-good president. Maybe I’m losing it, but what if we ran your favorite pair of skinny jeans and that chili everyone asks me to make for parties?

I’m just out here asking questions.

Because you see, I want what I want, and all I know is that I want for the lifetime public servant who has so deftly captained this reeling nation through the aftermath of a cataclysmic pandemic, to ride off into the sunset of my fanciful musings so that I can get who and what I want, even if I don’t know who or what that is and I for sure don’t have a plan for the “how”part of any of that.

But you’re like, stressing me out with all of these rational questions right now. Can’t you see I’m busy pushing my country into the arms of an authoritarian because the other guy seems old?

So, back to what I was saying, what if we could get John Belushi and Édith Piaf on a ticket? I mean, I get it, they’re both dead, and Édith isn’t even technically American, but I’m just, ya know, throwing ideas out there, cuz that’s what we need to be doing in this staggeringly consequential, potentially democracy ending moment… we need to be pulling names out of the Fantastical Hat of Non-existent Dream Candidates to Replace Our Inherently Qualified But Old Incumbent while leapfrogging the first South Asian, first black, first female Vice President in our nation’s history.

Give me that hat! I want that hat! How dare you support that old man?!! He had one really, really fucking bad night in his fifty years of public service to our nation, and you’re not willing to help me shank him?!

Give me the hat or so help me I’ll burn this whole place down.

For the good of the country.”

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Look, here’s the deal — the Cosplay coup has got to stop.

We’re going on three full weeks here, and while the mainstream media and the know-it-all never trumper boys who haven’t been able to wrestle their own damn party back from a cult leader, have been very much enjoying themselves by spinning every conceivable scenario for why our extremely capable President should simply “step aside” for some magical “super-ticket”, enough is a-fucking-nough.

He’s passed every single litmus test and Hunger Games gauntlet they’ve set up for him to “prove he’s up to the job” (you know, the same job he’s been actually DOING), and he’s passed with flying colors.

But they keep moving the goalposts.

First it was the debate, then it was the polling. The other night he gave an impressive press conference, and now the polls show Trump’s lead is gone.

He even held an incredibly powerful rally in Detroit where the wildly enthusiastic crowd chanted for him to stay in the race.

And despite ALL of that, a bunch of the same people who pulled this shit in 2016, are still out there and they’re doing it again.

Only the problem is, the stakes are much, much higher now. And the forces against democracy are much stronger. We don’t have time to reason with Veruca. Either she’s gonna listen and join the rest of the group, or she’s going down that Oompa Loompa shoot alone.

What more could they possible want? Are they gonna require feats of strength next, Highland Games Caber tossing, does he have to win Top fucking Chef, or can we finally get on the same page and win this thing?

Setting aside the fact that throwing away the votes of those of us who picked Joe in the primaries would be a whole helluva lot like what the guy we’re trying to stop failed to do after the last election, it’s just pure lunacy to think you can dump your incumbent and current nominee in FUCKING JULY!!