The king of the Qrackheads is quid-pro-quo’ing cruelty again.

“Nice little wildfire you have here… I’d like you to do us a favor though…”

Before I get to the smart as a sock full of soup sociopath who’s trying to force wildfire ravaged Californians to kiss the ring in the midst of a catastrophe, I need to make the following public service announcement:

If you happen to be a downy, doughy, flabby, fleshy, gelatinous, mushy, pappy, pulpous, spongy, squashy or squishy middle-aged white man living in an “underground fortress of solitude” (aka your mother’s basement) who spends his every hour “conquering the internet” one shitty meme at a time, and you fancy yourself an expert on: infectious diseases, vaccinations, military withdrawals, presidential immunity, firearm forms, voting rights, the Supreme Court, the stock market, gender reassignment, school board policy, infertility, miscarriages, the 1st amendment, the 2nd amendment, the 14th and the 25th amendments, or any fucking amendments of any fucking kind, Cabinet positions, libel law, presidential pardons, the strategic importance of Greenland, interoceanic waterways, international shipping, flag protocols, felony convictions, insurrections and inaugurations… kindly put down the Lubriderm and listen up because I have neither the time, the patience, nor the crayons to explain this to you twice —

You are a fucking idiot, not a fucking genius.

And while you may be an expert on basement dwelling, sloth-like agility, cadaver-pale skin and not being worth the sex your parents had, you are NOT in fact an expert on wildfire management.

Yes, I’m quite sure you’ve scoured every terrifyingly dark circle-jerking corner of the internet for your “facts” and I have no doubt that the members of your incel-Qrackhead chat room worship you as the WiFi warrior you and your marker-modified Burger King crown proclaim yourself to be, but the sad, sobering truth is that your virtual realm “reality” only exists in your real food starved mind and down there in your subterranean sanctuary kingdom of one.

So please do us all a motherfucking favor, and shove your “Trump was right” forest floor rake up your patriotic pooper, take your fucked-in-the-head “facts about forest fires” and fuck all the way off.

Thank you.

Now back to the “I see you’re suffering and need help, so what’s it worth to you” degenerate swine and his reprehensibly cruel conditioning of disaster aid… because for one, I cannot actually believe we’re back here, I really, really can’t, and for two, I cannot believe his voters are so fucking stupid they actually “think” natural disasters in blue states ONLY hurt the “libs” they so despise.

Yes, I know that Trumpers are basically the cabbage of people. And yes, I know that every one of those tumbling dickweed chucklefucks could be tasked with counting their own dick and not get the same number twice, but come the fuck on already.

They don’t know that wildfires don’t give a fuck about how you vote? That 100 mph winds aren’t remotely interested in which party you support? That a softball sized flying ember of fuck your life up forever won’t be checking your party affiliation before being hurled onto your roof and burning your home to the ground?

The Palisades Fire didn’t knock doors to ask who the homeowner voted for in this election before it went ahead and wiped out entire neighborhoods.

Catastrophic infernos like those currently decimating huge swaths of the Los Angeles area do not discriminate. They do not concern themselves with human constructs such as political affiliations or voting behaviors.

They do not give a fuck. They aren’t political. And the response to them from our emergency responders isn’t either. A helicopter pilot isn’t going to skip over a burning house because it looks like Libs live there. No one would expect them to, and if they did, no one would forgive them for it.

So, why the actual fuck would ANYONE be ok with our elected officials tying the critical recovery effort and desperately needed disaster aid to politics? How can anyone actually believe that the people of California, who through no fault of their own, have lost everything to fires they didn’t set, they didn’t fan, and they didn’t fuel, should suffer needlessly in the wake of these disasters if their Democratic Governor doesn’t “play nice” with the twisted heap of hellish heinousness who is about to hold the purse strings?

Who the fuck are we? Is that who we are? Did Joe Biden tell Ron DeSantis he should fuck off after Milton and Helene because he hadn’t adopted green enough policies? Did he tell him to go cry about it to his pet rock named Pudding Cup while sucking his stupid little thumb in his teeny tiny little bath tub?

He didn’t. And if he had, we would have called him out, and rightfully so.

These California fires have killed at least two dozen people, forced the evacuation of more than 150,000 people, and scorched over 40,000 acres.

That happened here, in America. Those are American citizens. But instead of the incoming-felon elect who has mind-blowingly been returned to the office he tried to steal assuring the people impacted by this horrific crisis that he will stand with them, and help them rebuild stronger, he’s dangling assistance with convoluted contingencies.

And it’s fucking disgusting.

The rapist-elect and his taint-licking lackeys in Congress are threatening to punish California for its liberal policies by letting its people suffer.

And yet somehow Ma & Pa MAGA in Fuck Yer Feelings Louisiana cannot seem to wrap their Mountain Lightning-mulled minds around the fact that no Democratic President ever has or ever would do the same to them in their time of need.

This isn’t just grotesque, it isn’t just depraved, it’s not just heartless and cruel, this shit is completely antithetical to who we are as a nation. Turning your back on the citizens you’re supposed to serve, when they have lost everything and need you most, is flatly un-American.

But then again, we are talking about the tinkle-tape traitor and his tactless, toxic, tawdry troupe of tyrannical turncoats and not a one of them serves the American people anymore.

Much like the wildfires they’ve all turned into a baleful bargaining chip, Republicans are in power now, so they don’t care how those folks voted either.

They too just want to burn everything down.

Something so many of those “America First” fools and basement-dwelling, fake expert fucknuggets who voted for them will sadly learn for themselves soon enough.

For my part, I’m planning to host a creator-driven livestream event with a bunch of my friends and some very special guests on Monday (the fuckstain’s small in the pants party day), to raise money for the California wildfire recovery efforts. The plan is to combine a trivia night with some serious Trump shade but for a good cause.

I’ll have more details ASAP, so be on the lookout for them here.

In the meantime, stay safe out there, stay sane-ish, stay strong, and stay supportive of one another. That is how we weather this shit storm. That is how we win.

Love,

Jo ❤️

And this one is dedicated to all our friends out there in LA. Fuck the Spaghetti-sauce-stained sociopath-elect, we stand with you.