The Real Householes of DC.

Throw downs, kidney punches, Smurf smears, BOTOX & OnlyFans in our nation's Capitol.

Bravo’s new reality show centered around the Republican assholes (as if there are any who aren’t) of Congress has officially jumped the shark. Clearly, the ratings must be sagging, because this shit is getting ridiculous now.

Yesterday, “The Real Householes of DC” featured an implausible crossover event centered around an obviously scripted (and badly acted by the way) scene in the middle of an official Senate hearing.

Fresh off a trip home to check on his family’s prized parcel of generational dirt road on the Oklahoman panhandle, pocket-sized Senator Muscles McMMA tried to General Lee hood slide over the Committee-room dais in an act presumably intended to get his wee wedding-ringless fingers around the throat of a tough talking Teamster straight out of central casting.

Thankfully, an 82 year old hippie known best for his work on Curb Your Enthusiasm and for being famously well-mittened, was there to shut that shit down by employing his many years of competent adulting to remind his frothing at the mouth, chest-pounding colleague that he would not in fact get that Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie he had been promised after his “important work/big words” time if he did not immediately sit his angry-Elf-ass down in his Big Boy US Senator seat.

And maybe it’s just me, but the whole:

“you wanna go?”

“do you wanna go?”

“Yeah, I’ll go!”

“Stand up!”

“You stand up!”

“Let’s fucking go then!” interplay between the new two cast members just felt a little forced, and frankly, without at least one glass of wine being thrown or a not-so-well-kept-secret drunk hookup on a party boat being used as emotional artillery, it was kind of like a bartender handing you a White Claw when you’d just ordered a double shot of Patron.

And the thing is — the episode didn’t even need that stupid story line because the mean girl burn book shit that was taking place over on the House side was way, way, WAY worse.

Apparently, or so some say, the guy who lasted 24.5 Scaramuccis as Speaker, and was the center of a 15 vote ratings bonanza at the beginning of the season, now sadly rank and file, and mere background player, Kevin McCarthy — intentionally elbowed Tennessee Rep. Tim Burchett in the kidneys.

“I got elbowed in the back and it kind of caught me off guard because it was a clean shot to the kidneys. And I turned back (and) there, there was Kevin, and for a minute I was kind of, what the heck just happened and then chased after him of course,” Burchett told CNN’s Manu Raju, adding, “Now he’s the type of guy that when you’re a kid would throw a rock over the fence and run home and hide behind his mama’s skirt.”

Look, when I was a high school freshman and that formaldehyde frog appeared in my science class, staring up at me whilst pinned to a waxy bottom tray, I just couldn’t look at the fucking thing. I couldn’t do it. Luckily my partner Frank (is Frank still a name?) was a science whiz and a very nice kid, so he did all the work and told me what to write on the corresponding sheet, and I didn’t fail the assignment. But I knew then that surgeon sure as shit wasn’t gonna be my career choice. Internal organs just weren’t my bag. I didn’t want to look at them or imagine them, I just wanted them to do the things they were designed to do, and never have to think about it. After all, they’re on the inside, if the Almighty wanted us to be looking at them all the time they’d be on the outside like boobs or butts, but I digress again.