As Churchill or Twain or Wilde, or whichever one it was or wasn’t of the triumvirate of go-to attributionists once allegedly said -
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Well, the problem is these days, the truth can’t even find it’s fucking pants. It’s waking up in a dark, unfamiliar bedroom after a wild night with some hot nameless dude it met at the bar, and it can’t see shit but it needs it’s pants and it knows if it turns on the light, no-name will wake up and then they’ll have to make awkward small talk about shit they don’t really remember and things will get weird, so it’s just kind of fumbling around, grabbing random bits of clothes in it’s underwear because it just wants to get the walk of shame over with, get home, pound some Tylenol, take a fucking shower and go to bed.
And that’s where we come in, ok? We need to be the roommate who just kinda wants the truth out of his apartment and out there in the world doing whatever it does or used to do or is supposed to be doing because it woke his ass up at 3:45am with all of it’s excessive howling and moaning, and we need to hand it a stinking flashlight so it can find those goddamn pants.
Because those lies circumnavigating the globe as we speak, the ones which may or may not have slipped something into the truth’s 5th shot last night, well, they’ve been mainlining Adderall for about 8 years straight now, and they haven’t just made it halfway, they’re like fucking Superman when he flew the wrong way around the world a zillion times to turn back the clock and save Lois Lane from being sucked up and suffocated in her car by the heaving desert ground. That’s the lies right now folks. Only, in this scenario- Superman is bad, and Lois Lane eats it in that sand trap car box of death.
Are you picking up what I’m laying down?
Let’s give you an example on a microcosmic level, which sounds like it would require a pot gummy, but doesn’t (despite the fact that this could all be quite improved by one I’m sure, so if you have some, you’re welcome to share with the class but I digress).
Like, for instance, did you know that just like “Never Surrender” himself, that I too have a mugshot? It’s true. Now, I can’t tell you specifically what I was arrested for or when or even where, but I can tell you that it’s either related to meth or crack or cocaine or prostitution or running a cat juggling ring like in the movie The Jerk, or all of the above.
And I can also tell you that I’ve been married and divorced at least 10 times (which given all the meth and coke and crack and prostituting, is down right impressive). Additionally, I know that my kids have been taken from me and that I’m somehow legally unable to even contact them after their father took them and left me “like a dog” one would think anyway for all the meth, crack, coke and pay-for-sexing I’ve been doing, but nope — MOSTLY he left me because of my tweets.
That’s right. It was the lib tweets that were the final straw for the poor guy. Not the illicit drug use or the sex working stuff. And if you’re looking at this mugshot and thinking to yourself, “but that doesn’t really even look like Jo, and if it was Jo doesn’t it mean she’s not a meth, crack, cocaine, cat-juggling *hooker anymore, and that she’s managed to change her life for the better”, then you’re not alone, but also — you’re overthinking things.
The key is not to think. Like at all.
You see, the way MAGA-truth works, you’re not supposed to focus on things like reality, you’re supposed to believe whatever the fuck you want to believe. If you want to believe up is down, left is right, that some senile orange fuckface saying Obama when he means Biden like 5 times a day is him being intentionally, tongue-in-cheek “funny” despite the fact that “funny” ain’t exactly something he’s known for, that’s your God given right.
Just cuz I don’t happen have any criminal record of any kind whatsoever and I am, on paper, legally, by LAW, the primary custody holder of my two kids who I not only have contact with but see literally every single solitary day, doesn’t mean you have to care when you spread this mugshot (of a woman who has a very tragic story by the way) all over the interweb and pass it off as fact.
It doesn’t matter. Facts don’t matter. The truth doesn’t matter. Not to any of them. This shit wouldn’t work if they adhered to silly things like that.
And setting aside my own personal journey of jackassery with them, this is what they ALL do, with everything that needs to fit into their own fucked up narratives, all day long.
From the top down. From Trump to his toe-sucking minions on tv and in government, to hundreds of thousands of Billy-Bob lots of numbers “Cat Turd” worshipping twitter accounts who have a whole helluva lot of baseless bullshit to spread on any given day of the week which happens to end in the letter Y.
And they’re hoping we’ll get tired of pushing back. They’re hoping we will give up. They’re hoping that we’ll say “we can’t reach them, they’ll never change, what’s the point”, throw our arms up and walk away.
And that is exactly what we cannot do.
That’s how they win. That’s how the lies become the truth. And the shit they’re pedaling, if just rolled in to all that we believe to be fundamentally true, imperils us all.
It will destroy American democracy. It will get millions deported or worse. It will get women, and trans people and gay people and non-binary people KILLED.
So, because I happen to be stubborn as fuck (shocker) and I really, really, REALLY don’t like MAGA, and I really, really, REALLY believe in the promise of America, I get quite a bit of satisfaction from calling them on their bullshit, and I’m not getting tired. Not in the least. In fact, when it comes to this shit, my safe word, is “keep going.” And they really don’t like it when we don’t just give up and let the lies wash over us like a Russian hooker’s pee pee on the face of a tomato-pie-pigmented-pig in a Moscow hotel room. They get mad. Real mad.
Which makes it all the more fun.
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