You get a plea deal, she gets a plea deal, EVERYONE GETS A PLEA DEAL!!

Ok, Meadows got immunity, potato/po-tato.

Welp, as I was writing this — the endless shitshow also known as House Republicans managed to set a new bar for atrocious awfulness by installing the Trumpiest of Trumpian toadies in the Speakership.

This is Fucking terrible. He is Fucking terrible. We are going to have a lot more Fucking terrible to grapple with for however long this racist, sexist, homophobic asshole sits in the Speaker suite, and all of that Fucking terrible is absolutely worthy of attention, and it will all undoubtedly require far, far too much of said attention, but we cannot lose sight of the fact that all of this fucking terrible is designed to that very end.

To steal our attention.

See, a whole bunch of folks who know exactly where Mr. America First’s bodies are buried are now agreeing to give up the goods on the cult’s rotting-gourd-god, and that’s very, very upsetting to the moronic madman who is in an extremely dire race against time.

See, he needs some of that sweet, sweet Presidential pardon power he was selling a couple of years back, or else his saggy septuagenarian ass is gonna wind up in the same Big House he kept promising to send Hillary to, but never did. Because unlike him, she didn’t break the law. Not once and certainly not so often it needs serial numbers just to catalog it all.

*It is worth noting that in the tsunami of craziness we’re currently contending with, that a man who led the efforts to overturn the 2020 election while spuriously contending that Biden was not in fact, the winner — just became second in line to the Presidency he claims is “illegitimate.”

But I’ll be writing more about Mike “Forced Birth” Johnson tomorrow.

As we watch the anti-Democratic Republican poison spread into and over our government institutions like mold spores on that ravioli you left in the work fridge last week, I find myself asking the universe this one simple-seeming question over and over again — how the fuck are we here?

How. The. Fuck. Are. We. Here?

I mean, I know how we’re here, we all know how we’re here, a bunch of the stupidest, laziest, most hateful, least self-accountable, self-entitled, racist assholes decided to elevate a fake billionaire, fake Christian, fake family man, fake patriot, fake Republican, to god-like status because he made them feel better about their totally irrational, self-serving hate, and for that one reason above all else, they have professed lifelong loyalty despite all of his crimes against all of us (including them) and despite the truth itself.

And as a result of that cultish devotion, the craven, cowardly conference has in their collective cuckholding, kneeled down on the gold-plated altar of an evil, malicious madman because it’s better than the dreaded fate of being primaried (cue scary music) so, they’ll go along with the madness they really can’t abide, because it beats the hell out of the possibility that they might lose a goddamn title and a fancy little pin, but I digress…

Although, in all honesty, it’s not really a digression because the reason for all of that constant chaos lunacy is to run interference for the suede-faced-fucker who is ONCE AGAIN, standing outside a NYC courtroom he doesn’t have to be anywhere near, to accordion-hands his daily “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain” matinee performance of Orwellian bullshit.

His rabidly loyal flunkies have to make shit as dysfunctional as possible, while hopefully also using our taxpayer dollars to push baseless lies about President Biden.

It’s all designed to help a lifelong criminal conman who is FINALLY pretty much fucked every which way to Sunday. As an aside, when they say (and they say it more and more lately) that they’ll vote for Trump even if he’s in prison… they mean it, because they all know that it’s very, very likely going to happen.

They might be evil idiots who refuse to acknowledge or admit the truth, but they do know how to get ahead of a narrative, and spinning his imprisonment as a “position of power” has got to be in the messaging mix these days.

Three of Trump’s former attorneys have now flipped on him in Georgia. That’s bad. That’s really Fucking bad. And it’s gonna get even worse when the rest of that checkerboard of criminal chucklefucks starts to fill in with red marks to indicate their plea deals.

No one wants to go to f’ng prison, but they really, really don’t for a guy who doesn’t give a shit whether they live or die. Like, who wants to be staring at the inside of a prison cell because when the offer came to save themselves by telling the truth, they opted to remain silent for a former reality tv game show host who enlisted their help fully expecting they would take the fall for him.