I’m thinking of my granddaughter, who was raped by a friend when she was 17. Fortunately my son was the kind of dad she could turn to. He comforted her, got her to a doctor for a physical exam and was so supportive. He also asked if she wanted birth control and she agreed it was a good idea in case it happened again. That helped, but the pills made her emotionally unstable. She began cutting herself and seriously considered suicide. Dad got her into therapy and was there to support her every step of the way. She’s now in college and has been dating a really great guy. They thought they were careful, but sure enough, she got pregnant. Planned Parenthood gave her an abortion and then an IUD. She got through it all with the help of her father. Breaks my heart that women have to deal with this kind of crap. I thought I had it bad when in Middle School I developed breasts and thus got labeled a slut. In retrospect, I had it pretty damn good! Thanks for sharing your story. We need to change the kind of society that shames and blames girls.
Linda, thank you for sharing all of that. You raised an incredible son, and I thank you for that. You as a human being and a mother are changing the world!
Oh yeah! He’s an amazing son AND patent. His wife? Not so much. He’s finally divorcing her. She moved out so she could date, and the one time my son agreed to go on a blind date, she threatened to take the kids. So he’s been celibate for 7 years. But his children, his job, his parents and his home are his priority! It shows in his young adult offspring.
The longer we live, the more we know these stories - or realize they’re ours. I’m so glad to know your granddaughter is strong and has the support of her dad.
You are a force. Powerful to know through your writing. Brilliant.
Blown away by reading this and wishing we could actually go back in time and grab your rapist by the throat. Shake the hell out of your faithless, stupid, group of friends.
One of my best friends in high school was raped at 15 by someone she trusted, in her family. She told me much later in our lives but it set her into a self destructive course never broken by multiple husbands and a daughter who she, unlike you, neglected badly. I truly wish she’d had experienced the epiphany that led toward your awakening to your great value.
I’m sharing this piece. It’s too important not to.
Well now I’m crying. I don’t think I’m stronger than anyone else. I think other people may not take the time to learn just how strong they are. I’m not special. I just chose to live. Actually, my kids made that choice for me. But it’s human beings like you who have lifted me up all these years. And made me really think about who I was. What I could bring to the world. And it’s helped me more than I can ever express in words.
Thank you for sharing. Practically every woman I know has a story like this...and I say this not to make your story "one of many" but to say "you are not alone."
It never ceases to amaze me how many men think they're entitled to intimacy. How far they'll go to get it. Many of the little beasts think they're somehow lesser people if they just use their hands like most folks do.
And worse, it never fails to boggle how easily they can get away with it. How a few lies completely vindicate them. And in this era where lies are commonplace and accepting them is just the done thing for some folks, I worry it's only going to get worse.
All I can think to do is to ask anyone raising boys to teach them it's not okay to get people drunk to have sex with them. Or to drug them. Or to force themselves like some over-eager baboon. I can't believe anyone needs this explained to them...but please do. Don't take chances. Don't assume their friends will tell them. Don't assume their teachers or pastors will tell them. Heck, teachers, coaches, and priests don't have sterling records either.
My Mom had that talk with me when I was maybe 15, not long before she died. Even though I’m pretty sure I knew these things intrinsically, I’m glad she did.
A few close female friends have shared similar stories with me, and I literally wanted to hunt their attackers down and beat them within an inch of their lives, but too much time had gone by so I never did. Probably a good thing.
Guys like to talk about sex to one another. Girls do too from what I understand. But every time a guy has spoken to me about their experiences as if they were some sort of a conquest, I’ve become sick to my stomach and either changed the subject or walked away.
Sep 11, 2023·edited Sep 11, 2023Liked by JoJoFromJerz
I love you. And you are grace. I grew up poor, Black and female in a world where poor and Black and female meant expendable. I've held women who cried after being raped. I witnessed rape as a scared girl hiding in a corner. I have a cousin who, at the age of 5, got syphilis from a so-called family friend. Rape is a disease and far too often women and young girls pay for being the victim of it. Thank you for raising your voice. Yes, you are right, no matter who the offender is, a victim's sexuality, or the circumstances, women deserve justice, not condemnation. I am so glad the tide is turning in this regard.
This breaks my heart in a a million pieces. I’m so sorry Joanne, and so terribly saddened for what you were put through. My virtual hugs are real and as I hold you and your innocent 17 year old girl and give you comfort and love. The comfort and love you deserved then as well as right now. I’m hurting for you and with you. You are safe here, and you are loved and respected and so very admired. Your bravery is incredibly honorable and I celebrate you in your journey. I hope you never feel alone in it. I, and all your friends here are here for you. We’re holding you tight. 💞💞💞 xox
That kid should have gone to jail and gotten expelled from school. The evidence was there. I hope that's what is happening these days. If it's not, we need some radical change. I hope this reckless stupid criminal man is not passing his ignorance on to his sons. It's not too late to tell your story through your high school group on social media. Two or more girls from our HS were raped by a priest, and told their story on social media years later. That was the class of 1968 and 1969. We're all old now, but telling the story was good and long overdue. You might shake up the hornets nest, but too bad. They shook you up for years. On the other hand, you might finally get an apology, which you deserve. That kind of thing needs the light of day.
Not only just got away with it, but the purpose of filing charges or lawsuits or even just writing posts that the perpetrators will see is to possibly prevent the crime from happening again by him, his peers, his children, and those around them that enabled the crime. It's the best we can do.
But the victims are not to blame. This behavior needs to be called out. I too was victimized by older men with the alcohol seduction at 16. Was an alcoholic as a result until in my 20s, when I switched to marijuana. Fraternities are not healthy places at universities when drinking and womanizing is the goal.
Thank you, Jo, for caring enough to share your story. My rapist was my husband, since he was an officer with the National Guard, he had guns. Several times, the rape occurred at gunpoint. I had buried the memory for many years, but the ‘me too’ movement was my trigger. I was in my 70s by the time it all came crashing down. My pastor was a woman of great wisdom who counseled me and suggested a trauma therapist. I’ve come out on the other side, finally aware of my trauma, and that I was worth saving. Your story reinforces the sisterhood of victims who learned to love themselves in spite of our history. Thank you for the courage to share your story, it just held a mirror up to the rest of us. I love you, and at my age, every story of a woman overcoming the evil that is the patriarchy only builds up our collective power.
You are a warrior, Sharon. I am so sorry for the trauma inflicted on you, but I am so incredibly glad you’re here to share your story as a survivor. Thank you. We are a sisterhood. 💞
Wow, Jo. You are really extraordinary. I only have two hands to give you high fives for what you emote through your writing. This is not the first, nor will it be that last thing you write that has brought me to tears of recognition and empathy. I will share this piece, as I have others, and wish you ongoing strength and peace. Hooray for our children who have it in their existence to bring us to the brink of sanity, at the least.
You have shared so many very personal details in this forum and this one is just so personal, so full of knowledge, so filled with the self knowledge you must have done a ton of work to uncover. I am quite literally in awe of you Joanne. I hope you know that you are making a difference in so many lives in so many different ways. I look forward to you mail every day. I am always (pick one or all) enlightened, entertained, astounded, overwhelmed, and sometimes just plain guffawing.
I can still remember teenage feelings, of being too fat, not cute enough, too this or not enough that. To not only endure, but eventually overcome such a horrific event is such a testament to who you are Jo. Somewhere, deep inside you she was always there, you know that; I am so thrilled that I get to be one of the ones who sees you turning into such an amazing person inside and out. Your kids are so lucky; you will teach them so much just by living your best life. I know they've been at least a little aware of the troubles just over the divorce and worry about living. You overcame that and are becoming someone who is important in her own right.
Much like Patris, I really want to "talk" to your "friends". That not one of them didn't stand up for you is so pathetic.
Thank you, Debby. I never wanted to be strong like this lol. Right? Like, who wants to be the one who has all that shit to unpack. But I’ve also decided that all that shit I’ve been through made me who I am. It’s made me a loudmouth. It’s made me kind and I hope and empathetic. But it’s also made me understand that we all struggle. And we can show up for one another. As you have shown up for me. And I would in turn do for you.
Sep 11, 2023·edited Sep 11, 2023Liked by JoJoFromJerz
Amazing Jojo, your strength and articulation. And courage to share the story, which is an important one for people to hear. Sorry that it happened, of course. Your friends were dickheads. Eric is despicable. (PS I knew I guy in college who was a sociopath and a racist - and, naturally, HE became a cop.) I wonder if Eric has met our friend Karma in the intervening years. You are wonderful, a valuable voice. You are greatly admired, and you are deeply loved. Eric is a parenthesis.
I am thinking her BFFs were never really her friends... they were likely envious and ready to use any opportunity to "take her down a peg." I have had my fair share of such friends, and you really lose nothing of value when these kind of jerks go their merry way.
Indeed, as one could tell from their reaction to you. No one with an ounce of care or empathy would do such a thing. One knows the truth when one hears it. I wasn't even there but I could tell based on what you wrote that what you spoke of is true. They likely knew as well. Fuck 'em, girl. You deserved better. I am truly sorry you went though any of that.
I’m so glad you are facing this now. I was sexually and physically abused by my older brother when I was younger. I didn’t face it until around 40. I finally told my parents and of course it started an upheaval with my family. I swallowed it down again and pushed it out of my mind. By 50 my health was ruined. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Throughout the many doctors I kept being asked had I been sexually abused and I always said no. Even to my doctors. I was so ashamed. I finally started therapy and was honest to my doctors. It has helped. I still have to deal with my brother. It is just the two of us looking after my elderly mother. He lives beside of her. I couldn’t get through it without therapy. I love my niece and nephews and keep the peace for my children and his. It’s hard, but I’m making it. Please don’t stop therapy. The pent of stress can destroy your health. Take care of yourself and this was an incredible thing you just did.
I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to revisit this assault. The betrayal by people that you thought were friends is horrible. You're a woman of courage to put this out there. I'mm sure that there are lots of women with similar stories that they've repressed. By sharing, you may have saved some lives. Your Substack family loves you and is always here for you.
You’re so right, so many of us have sad, heartbreaking and tragic stories. JoJo’s story triggers those stories in us. The fact that Masterson has been brought to justice is a hopeful sign that our daughters and granddaughters will have the courage to speak out and continue the change we are beginning to witness in our culture. Now we await one of the biggest sexual offenders being brought to justice by only one of his many victims, E. Jean Carroll.
❤️. I'm glad you are taking back your power. It's not easy. And it's never really over as there are triggers out there that can knock you over, but you get up faster after each time.
I absolutely understand where you are coming from. You are not alone either...not any more. Sharing your story will help others.
Holy shit, @jojofromjerz, this is a hell of a post. I started reading looking forward to you taking Masterson to account but wow, I'm tearing up thinking about the pain this all caused you. I was thinking "why would she want to share all of this painful history" until I got to the end and realized it was actually helpful for you. And of course, it will definitely be helpful for others. Very brave of you to share all of this. Oh, and to Eric and the enablers out there, fuck you all.
I’m thinking of my granddaughter, who was raped by a friend when she was 17. Fortunately my son was the kind of dad she could turn to. He comforted her, got her to a doctor for a physical exam and was so supportive. He also asked if she wanted birth control and she agreed it was a good idea in case it happened again. That helped, but the pills made her emotionally unstable. She began cutting herself and seriously considered suicide. Dad got her into therapy and was there to support her every step of the way. She’s now in college and has been dating a really great guy. They thought they were careful, but sure enough, she got pregnant. Planned Parenthood gave her an abortion and then an IUD. She got through it all with the help of her father. Breaks my heart that women have to deal with this kind of crap. I thought I had it bad when in Middle School I developed breasts and thus got labeled a slut. In retrospect, I had it pretty damn good! Thanks for sharing your story. We need to change the kind of society that shames and blames girls.
Linda, thank you for sharing all of that. You raised an incredible son, and I thank you for that. You as a human being and a mother are changing the world!
Oh yeah! He’s an amazing son AND patent. His wife? Not so much. He’s finally divorcing her. She moved out so she could date, and the one time my son agreed to go on a blind date, she threatened to take the kids. So he’s been celibate for 7 years. But his children, his job, his parents and his home are his priority! It shows in his young adult offspring.
The longer we live, the more we know these stories - or realize they’re ours. I’m so glad to know your granddaughter is strong and has the support of her dad.
You are a force. Powerful to know through your writing. Brilliant.
Blown away by reading this and wishing we could actually go back in time and grab your rapist by the throat. Shake the hell out of your faithless, stupid, group of friends.
One of my best friends in high school was raped at 15 by someone she trusted, in her family. She told me much later in our lives but it set her into a self destructive course never broken by multiple husbands and a daughter who she, unlike you, neglected badly. I truly wish she’d had experienced the epiphany that led toward your awakening to your great value.
I’m sharing this piece. It’s too important not to.
Well now I’m crying. I don’t think I’m stronger than anyone else. I think other people may not take the time to learn just how strong they are. I’m not special. I just chose to live. Actually, my kids made that choice for me. But it’s human beings like you who have lifted me up all these years. And made me really think about who I was. What I could bring to the world. And it’s helped me more than I can ever express in words.
You are incredible. Never forget that.
Thank you for sharing. Practically every woman I know has a story like this...and I say this not to make your story "one of many" but to say "you are not alone."
It never ceases to amaze me how many men think they're entitled to intimacy. How far they'll go to get it. Many of the little beasts think they're somehow lesser people if they just use their hands like most folks do.
And worse, it never fails to boggle how easily they can get away with it. How a few lies completely vindicate them. And in this era where lies are commonplace and accepting them is just the done thing for some folks, I worry it's only going to get worse.
All I can think to do is to ask anyone raising boys to teach them it's not okay to get people drunk to have sex with them. Or to drug them. Or to force themselves like some over-eager baboon. I can't believe anyone needs this explained to them...but please do. Don't take chances. Don't assume their friends will tell them. Don't assume their teachers or pastors will tell them. Heck, teachers, coaches, and priests don't have sterling records either.
No consent is not okay! EVER.
Love you! ❤️
Haha! I am greatly humbled. The feeling is mutual.
My Mom had that talk with me when I was maybe 15, not long before she died. Even though I’m pretty sure I knew these things intrinsically, I’m glad she did.
A few close female friends have shared similar stories with me, and I literally wanted to hunt their attackers down and beat them within an inch of their lives, but too much time had gone by so I never did. Probably a good thing.
Guys like to talk about sex to one another. Girls do too from what I understand. But every time a guy has spoken to me about their experiences as if they were some sort of a conquest, I’ve become sick to my stomach and either changed the subject or walked away.
Not cool 😕
Yeah I tend towards not having male friends and that's part of why.
Truth! Thank you Endless. You get it❣️
I love you. And you are grace. I grew up poor, Black and female in a world where poor and Black and female meant expendable. I've held women who cried after being raped. I witnessed rape as a scared girl hiding in a corner. I have a cousin who, at the age of 5, got syphilis from a so-called family friend. Rape is a disease and far too often women and young girls pay for being the victim of it. Thank you for raising your voice. Yes, you are right, no matter who the offender is, a victim's sexuality, or the circumstances, women deserve justice, not condemnation. I am so glad the tide is turning in this regard.
This breaks my heart in a a million pieces. I’m so sorry Joanne, and so terribly saddened for what you were put through. My virtual hugs are real and as I hold you and your innocent 17 year old girl and give you comfort and love. The comfort and love you deserved then as well as right now. I’m hurting for you and with you. You are safe here, and you are loved and respected and so very admired. Your bravery is incredibly honorable and I celebrate you in your journey. I hope you never feel alone in it. I, and all your friends here are here for you. We’re holding you tight. 💞💞💞 xox
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
That kid should have gone to jail and gotten expelled from school. The evidence was there. I hope that's what is happening these days. If it's not, we need some radical change. I hope this reckless stupid criminal man is not passing his ignorance on to his sons. It's not too late to tell your story through your high school group on social media. Two or more girls from our HS were raped by a priest, and told their story on social media years later. That was the class of 1968 and 1969. We're all old now, but telling the story was good and long overdue. You might shake up the hornets nest, but too bad. They shook you up for years. On the other hand, you might finally get an apology, which you deserve. That kind of thing needs the light of day.
I agree--I am sick thinking that jerk got away with what he did!
Not only just got away with it, but the purpose of filing charges or lawsuits or even just writing posts that the perpetrators will see is to possibly prevent the crime from happening again by him, his peers, his children, and those around them that enabled the crime. It's the best we can do.
But the victims are not to blame. This behavior needs to be called out. I too was victimized by older men with the alcohol seduction at 16. Was an alcoholic as a result until in my 20s, when I switched to marijuana. Fraternities are not healthy places at universities when drinking and womanizing is the goal.
This 100 percent. Let these mofos know we are watching, we are taking back our dignity and we will not be silenced!
This
Thank you, Jo, for caring enough to share your story. My rapist was my husband, since he was an officer with the National Guard, he had guns. Several times, the rape occurred at gunpoint. I had buried the memory for many years, but the ‘me too’ movement was my trigger. I was in my 70s by the time it all came crashing down. My pastor was a woman of great wisdom who counseled me and suggested a trauma therapist. I’ve come out on the other side, finally aware of my trauma, and that I was worth saving. Your story reinforces the sisterhood of victims who learned to love themselves in spite of our history. Thank you for the courage to share your story, it just held a mirror up to the rest of us. I love you, and at my age, every story of a woman overcoming the evil that is the patriarchy only builds up our collective power.
You are a warrior, Sharon. I am so sorry for the trauma inflicted on you, but I am so incredibly glad you’re here to share your story as a survivor. Thank you. We are a sisterhood. 💞
Wow, Jo. You are really extraordinary. I only have two hands to give you high fives for what you emote through your writing. This is not the first, nor will it be that last thing you write that has brought me to tears of recognition and empathy. I will share this piece, as I have others, and wish you ongoing strength and peace. Hooray for our children who have it in their existence to bring us to the brink of sanity, at the least.
You have shared so many very personal details in this forum and this one is just so personal, so full of knowledge, so filled with the self knowledge you must have done a ton of work to uncover. I am quite literally in awe of you Joanne. I hope you know that you are making a difference in so many lives in so many different ways. I look forward to you mail every day. I am always (pick one or all) enlightened, entertained, astounded, overwhelmed, and sometimes just plain guffawing.
I can still remember teenage feelings, of being too fat, not cute enough, too this or not enough that. To not only endure, but eventually overcome such a horrific event is such a testament to who you are Jo. Somewhere, deep inside you she was always there, you know that; I am so thrilled that I get to be one of the ones who sees you turning into such an amazing person inside and out. Your kids are so lucky; you will teach them so much just by living your best life. I know they've been at least a little aware of the troubles just over the divorce and worry about living. You overcame that and are becoming someone who is important in her own right.
Much like Patris, I really want to "talk" to your "friends". That not one of them didn't stand up for you is so pathetic.
Thank you, Debby. I never wanted to be strong like this lol. Right? Like, who wants to be the one who has all that shit to unpack. But I’ve also decided that all that shit I’ve been through made me who I am. It’s made me a loudmouth. It’s made me kind and I hope and empathetic. But it’s also made me understand that we all struggle. And we can show up for one another. As you have shown up for me. And I would in turn do for you.
Amazing Jojo, your strength and articulation. And courage to share the story, which is an important one for people to hear. Sorry that it happened, of course. Your friends were dickheads. Eric is despicable. (PS I knew I guy in college who was a sociopath and a racist - and, naturally, HE became a cop.) I wonder if Eric has met our friend Karma in the intervening years. You are wonderful, a valuable voice. You are greatly admired, and you are deeply loved. Eric is a parenthesis.
I am thinking her BFFs were never really her friends... they were likely envious and ready to use any opportunity to "take her down a peg." I have had my fair share of such friends, and you really lose nothing of value when these kind of jerks go their merry way.
They were extremely toxic, competitive and petty. But honestly, they were also very small-minded.
Indeed, as one could tell from their reaction to you. No one with an ounce of care or empathy would do such a thing. One knows the truth when one hears it. I wasn't even there but I could tell based on what you wrote that what you spoke of is true. They likely knew as well. Fuck 'em, girl. You deserved better. I am truly sorry you went though any of that.
I’m so glad you are facing this now. I was sexually and physically abused by my older brother when I was younger. I didn’t face it until around 40. I finally told my parents and of course it started an upheaval with my family. I swallowed it down again and pushed it out of my mind. By 50 my health was ruined. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Throughout the many doctors I kept being asked had I been sexually abused and I always said no. Even to my doctors. I was so ashamed. I finally started therapy and was honest to my doctors. It has helped. I still have to deal with my brother. It is just the two of us looking after my elderly mother. He lives beside of her. I couldn’t get through it without therapy. I love my niece and nephews and keep the peace for my children and his. It’s hard, but I’m making it. Please don’t stop therapy. The pent of stress can destroy your health. Take care of yourself and this was an incredible thing you just did.
Thank you for sharing that. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to do. You are incredibly brave and strong. And we are here for you too!!!
I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to revisit this assault. The betrayal by people that you thought were friends is horrible. You're a woman of courage to put this out there. I'mm sure that there are lots of women with similar stories that they've repressed. By sharing, you may have saved some lives. Your Substack family loves you and is always here for you.
You’re so right, so many of us have sad, heartbreaking and tragic stories. JoJo’s story triggers those stories in us. The fact that Masterson has been brought to justice is a hopeful sign that our daughters and granddaughters will have the courage to speak out and continue the change we are beginning to witness in our culture. Now we await one of the biggest sexual offenders being brought to justice by only one of his many victims, E. Jean Carroll.
❤️. I'm glad you are taking back your power. It's not easy. And it's never really over as there are triggers out there that can knock you over, but you get up faster after each time.
I absolutely understand where you are coming from. You are not alone either...not any more. Sharing your story will help others.
Holy shit, @jojofromjerz, this is a hell of a post. I started reading looking forward to you taking Masterson to account but wow, I'm tearing up thinking about the pain this all caused you. I was thinking "why would she want to share all of this painful history" until I got to the end and realized it was actually helpful for you. And of course, it will definitely be helpful for others. Very brave of you to share all of this. Oh, and to Eric and the enablers out there, fuck you all.
Thank you for sharing. More power to you.
Thank you for telling your truth. You are brave and have given others courage to tell their truth. I love you and your writing. Hugs!
Thank you, Deb!!! ❤️❤️❤️