Maybe the stupid will save us.

MAGA’s gross incompetence could be our greatest ally.

Help us Margie Dumb Kedopey, you’re our only hope!

Ok, you’re right — I really shouldn’t do Leia like that, because if “peach tree dish/Marshall Law” Marge Greene were any less intelligent, we’d have to water her twice a week.

But in all honesty. it is her endless ineptitude, coupled with the pervasively collective stupid (and unrelenting evil) that is her cult of a so-called political party, which just might be enough to save us from driving over the side of a cliff like we’re waiting for Carl Reiner to call “CUT”.

(Clip at the bottom of this essay).

In the totality of the smooth-brained, mouth-breathing chaos caucus, they’ve got about two brain cells to share amongst them and those two sad sacks of stupid are busy battling each other for third place.

So maybe, just maybe… the fact that they’re so mind numbingly fucking dumb they could hide their own Easter eggs, will actually help us stop them from executing ALL of the awful they have on their agenda of bottomless, soul-sucking, human suffering, puppy shooting, rapist enabling, trickle-up, awful.

It's basically impossible to underestimate them. And if that ain’t a glass half full outlook for the ages I just don’t know what is.

But I digress, because as most of you know, I am a very serious person as well as a steadfast, highly disciplined and relentless student of history (I’m clearly joking) and as such, I’ve recently devoted my studies to the examination of the rise and fall of other historical figures who were also as useful as a screen door on a submarine, also motivated by total global domination, and also, ultimate failures.

And I am here to tell you that my exhaustively fastidious research has revealed one particularly insightful cautionary tale about the pitfalls of overreach. A man with a grand vision of world domination whilst also being infamously hamstrung by his own idiocy and comically bad attempts at execution.

His plans often bordered on the ludicrous—like using a giant laser to hold the world ransom, sending a dick shaped rocket into space, and creating "sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads."

His name, one with which you may be quite familiar, is Dr. Evil.

No, he is not on Trump’s cabinet. Yet.

And setting aside the obvious fact that unlike amateur dumb dumb Donald, he has an actual degree in evil, the parallels between the two men are impossible to ignore. After all, their very existences are based upon fiction.

You see, Dr. Evil highlights the fundamental truth that having lofty ambitions is one thing, but the means by which you pursue those ambitions, and those you surround yourself with to that end, can lead to spectacular failure.

God willing.

For example - the melon-hued moron wanted “a great big wall” at our southern border, one which Mexico would totally pay for. Because “walls and wheels work” (and no, that isn’t a direct quote from Frankenstein). And what he got, what we ended up with, was a half wall, much of which is now falling down, that Mexico did not even a little bit pay for (they literally gave Trump the finger instead) and so in turn, he shut OUR government down for the longest it’s ever been shutdown until OUR Congress paid for it (they also gave him the finger instead) and then he used OUR military budget to pay for it in the end. (Insert “one million dollars meme).

He also wanted to “repeal and replace” Obamacare despite not having a “replacement” for it at all. And he was defeated on that one by a single, solitary, may he rest in peace, John McCain — thumb.

Dr. Evil believed that his intelligence (totally stable genius anyone) and resources (Trump’s rich daddy) granted him the ability to manipulate and control everything around him. Yet, time and again, his schemes unraveled because he overestimated his own abilities (infrastructure week ring a bell?) and underestimated the resilience and resourcefulness of others. (That’s us).

If what’s past is prologue, we can expect his incoming who’s who of rapists, pedophiles, and sexual abusers administration to be much like a chef who can't boil water. Trump and his revolving rodeo of reprobates will stumble through economic “strategies” with the precision of a drunk squirrel attempting to solve a Diophantine Equation. Their domestic policies will resemble a failed Jackson Pollack piece of accidental spills, and their diplomatic efforts will be about as effective as a mime would be on a radio show.

Maybe Marjorie Taylor three toes will spend her time looking in all the closets and desk drawers for Joe Biden’s infamous “hurricane machine”, and trying to figure out how exactly we weaponized those dang things against conservatives. (We didn’t).

And maybe then she’ll have less time to use her chairmanship, sorry, chairmonkeyship, sorry, chairpersonship, scratch that one the most cuz calling her a person is far to generous, her position as Chair of the “DOGE” committee of rich dudes pissing on us, to take all of the social programs we have in place away from the people in this country who need them most.

Maybe Kristi Shoot A Puppy Noem will be too busy fucking Corey Lewandowski, selling sneakers and getting Botox shots to have the time to leave our homeland vulnerable to attack.

Maybe Tulsi Gabbard will be too busy chasing those adorable Dalmatians to spread her legs and our national security secrets, wide open for Trump’s daddy Vlad.

Maybe Dr. Oz will be too busy buying crudités for his wife and selling fake weight loss supplements to foreign nations to strip Medicare and Medicaid from tens of millions of Americans.

Maybe RFK Jr will be too busy eating the dogs and eating the cats, too distracted by still-intact whale heads and ambulating bears, too tempted by sexting thirsty female reporters with daddy issues, and too busy bench pressing gallons of raw milk, to make rubella great again via ending vaccines.

Maybe Linda McMahon will Superfly Snuka herself accidentally, rendering her semi-conscious and slurring about getting “thhhhhid offf the thhhhapartment offfff thhhhheducathion”, and no one will be able to understand her, but they don’t want anyone to know that, so they just won’t say anything and it never happens.

Maybe Trump will be too busy tweeting about ratings and golfing and eating hamberders and hiding in the bunker because someone made a boom boom noise outside, and writing “Supreme Commander Trump” in his doltish diary, to round up all of our neighbors, strip women of even more rights, imprison his political rivals and upend our democracy as we know it.

Maybe, just maybe the fact that he tried to nuke a hurricane and trade PR for Greenland the last time he was in office and only walked away with handing his richest pals the ridiculous tax cut he then saddled the rest of us with for generations, is a hopeful indicator of what he won’t be able to accomplish the second time around.

Maybe.

Look, I have to joke about their endless stupid because on some level it makes me feel better. It doesn’t change the fact that the intentions behind all of this are really fucking dark. The likelihood that some truly terrible, grotesque and inconceivably inhumane “policies” are going to happen is pretty much guaranteed. They will TRY to do their absolute worst. All the time. But we do still get a say. We do still have a voice.

We are the bulwark against all of this. WE ARE!

We have to stand up and get loud. All the fucking time.

Hopefully, their attempts to enact evil and ill-conceived schemes will unravel faster than a ball of yarn in the claws of a coked-up kitten. Hopefully, their most nefarious plans are thwarted by their own ineptitude. Hopefully, in the end, they stand as a testament to the notion that sometimes, the most effective safeguard against bad policy is the sheer inability to execute it.

I’ll take what I can get.

Oh and by the way, just for your moment of Zen, there’s a viral TikTok trend of people with pre-existing conditions who voted for Trump saying they didn’t know Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act were the same thing.

The “Obamacare” they rely on is the same thing as the ACA they thought they didn’t need because they were covered by Obamacare… and they realized this…

After they voted for the guy who is going to take it away.

Stupid is as stupid does. Fucking dipshits.

We have to laugh sometimes, otherwise the sadness will consume us whole. And we won’t win if we let that happen.

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”

Mark Twain

Speaking of laughter — the “Cut” scene from the Jerk 👇

And speaking of Dr. Evil, a boner, I mean bonus, laugh. 👇

Love you guys. Stay safe. Stay sane. Stay hopeful.

❤️ Jo