Let me see if I have this right, Ma & Pa MAGA are spending their insulin money on a star-spangled Bible so the rapist, business fraud they worship can pay his lawyers to defend him for, among other things, paying his porn star mistress to keep quiet?
Are they that f’ng stupid?
Ok, that was hypothetical.
It’s just more fictional Trump, and he’s a helluva guy. So chaste, so pious, so devout.
You see, fictional trump is all that matters.
It doesn’t matter that in REALITY, he is a thrice married, serial philanderer and pathological liar who bragged about sexual assault and mocked a disabled reporter.
It doesn’t matter that he was found liable for rape and bragged openly, more than once about grabbing women by the pussy, he has total respect for women and has ‘done more for women in the history of the world than anyone ever. Maybe even God himself!’
Doesn’t matter that he opined on the sex life of his own daughter so often that he had to be reminded regularly by his staff that she was in fact, his daughter… he’s a “family man”.
It doesn’t matter that he cannot cite a SINGLE Bible verse when asked after calling that very same book his “favorite”.
Or that he spends his Sundays worshiping at The Church of the Immaculate Fairway, he’s making “God great again”, unlike that practicing Catholic Biden who actually does attend church every Sunday.
After all, fictional trump shook that Bible that wasn’t his in front of that boarded-up church he didn’t attend because he’s a man of God, and NOT because he wanted to make himself look real tough by tear-gassing the protesters who a few days earlier had scared his widdle pants off by making loud noises - forcing him to run away like a widdle girl to the WH bunker.
Fictional trump is also, obviously a patriot. He demeaned John McCain for being captured, attacked a Gold Star family, insulted a military widow and called the fallen heroes of war suckers and losers because he loves our troops. After all, he didn’t dodge the draft, nope — not fictional trump. That guy went to Vietnam voluntarily. Twice. Yep. He was also at Normandy (see, another BEACH), piloted the Enola Gay and brokered peace between the North and the South in like, 24 hours. He just said a few things to Grant and a few things to Lee, and they were both too scared of him to say ‘no, no, I don’t like that.’ and so he got it done, ok. It’s called the Art of the Deal folks.
And when it comes to sheer intelligence and mental acuity, fictional trump has the biggest, most beautiful brain with the best words, believe me. It doesn’t matter that he bragged about having the ability to identify an elephant correctly, or memorize the order of five whole words.
It doesn’t matter that he thought Nipple and Button were the names of countries, that the moon was a part of Mars, or that Charles was the Prince of a place called “Whales”. Didn’t matter that he said there were airports and rammed manparts during the Revolutionary War. Fictional trump is a genius. A stable one at that.
And while it’s true that fictional trump is so obviously such a moral, devout, patriotic Rhodes Scholar, he also manages to exemplify perfection in the human form. The man wakes up to a head of naturally full hair and lets it fall where it may. His golden sun kissed skin is the result of all that time he spends frolicking at the beach. He is NOT a fetid heap of french fry grease, Diet Coke, Heinz ketchup and ground up Adderall. He’s in tip-top shape folks, just watch how adeptly he traverses down a ramp.
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