I often rely on the serenity prayer when I get overwhelmed. I admire the ability to put yourself in the others shoes and feel what they feel. Too many of us cannot see things from the other side. I no longer look for why I feel how I feel rather I look for how to change what I feel. I hope it makes sense. Admit when I stopped drinking and did get brutifully honest with myself. FYI the hardest thing I ever did. That is when the why no longer mattered. I could give you 300 reasons why I drink. Today I can only say I drink because I drink.
I still stay sober 1 day at a time. My dry date is Feb 15th. 1978.
May you always be you JOJO, may you always have the empathy it is what makes you amazing. May you find a way to not care for the why and only deal with changing how you feel. I for one love your openess thank you
I once had the serenity prayer on my wall back home in NC, I wouldn’t even have to slow down to read it as I past it between my little kitchen and front living room, it was there and I know what it’s says and exactly what it meant. It’s perfect. We used it in Al Anon, they use it in AA. The wisest sayings are the simplest and shortest. Like serenity prayer
Thank you for writing this, in particular on this day. I won’t go through what is transpiring in my life. Suffice to say, that your words resonate with me and are helping me ease an immense pain deep in my soul. God bless you for always awakening in me a greater appreciation for life’s trials and tribulations. They do make us stronger. Namaste.
Oh my God! That is almost exactly my own story from my thirties. A single mother like you, I had bought my own place, working on my land in morning after working all night, got Lyme disease from clearing so much once heavily wooded pine, where the deer and buffalo roamed, waited to long to be diagnosed, every lymph node in my body swollen, couldn’t walk by the time I went to the ER, I’m the only one bringing in a pay check so...took months to get under control. Not long after I find my daughter had been “you know” years before at 9 years old by a close friend. Took her immediately for help, reported it etc...I would be at work, everything would start to go dark, I would almost faint, I convinced myself I was suffering from some unknown disease so I spent a year, “I call, “the dark year” my GP sending me to this specialist and that specialist and I was drained. Came home from work and collapsed every morning, no energy to even comb my hair. Nothing physical was ever found, no active Lyme, but my fingers were going crooked, every doctor I saw said depression from overload, I refused to be, that meant weakness, that meant my mother. I would not be weak.
My brain had different ideas. I’d already been suffering migraines for years-I know looking back what triggered them. But even with all this I was consumed with the holocaust. I watched and saw things, unimaginable atrocities committed by man, horrific images I couldn’t and wouldn’t stop thinking about. When asked how I could watch these things I would say, “somebody had to witness this,” somebody has to know and remember.” This was when so much was coming out about it, I was addicted to knowing. I believed it my duty as a human being to be a witness to these horrific evil deeds. I tried to put myself in the place of mothers walking into the showers cradling their baby’s, I would feel guilty if I turned my thoughts away from the images. It was my duty to feel guilty. Someone had to.
And all of this broke me.
I regret taking on so much. I still feel guilty for taking my children out of their home when they were 4 and 9 yrs old and causing their lives to be harder, so much harder than they would have been. Even though that was over thirty years ago it hits me. Guilt will destroy you. Empathy like yours where you needed to feel how the victims feel, feel everyone’s pain.
Empathetic Distress. I have a name now. Thank you for that. Feeling guilty for “not suffering” as they do.
I didnt have a name to put to it when I suddenly over night went from being a news junky to going cold turkey and cut out all televised news, got rid of cable news, if I need to follow something like the elections or insurrection I got to NBC or the once king of them all Walter Cronkites CBS. I know now my brain acted fast to save me from some of the terribleness of everything going on today-it’s scary-and absorbing it day by day I got depressed again.
I follow you, I get the AP,”just the facts mam,” and go on my Tribel. And of course Dan Rathers Steady and Jeff T.
But, not just saying this, yours is the very best. You give everything to your readers, more than we deserve of you but you do it, you trust us that much and we love you for it. Don’t let the world beat you up, just being aware doesn’t mean it can’t happen again and you won’t even realize it until it’s put you right back in the bed flat on your back.
JoJoFromJerz your son, line mine now grown, will understand one day. I know how that feels. Hang in there and thank you for giving us so much of your humanity.
See...and I read this, and I want to say something that will give ease, and comfort, and soothe you. But if I'm being honest, what's running through my mind is "Why hasn't this happened to me...and when will it?"
Yeah, selfish, I know. Shitty, too. And maybe cutting myself off as far from the world as I have (you were my first source the Maine shooting even happened), maybe I distanced myself enough that I won't be overwhelmed at some point...but I expect to be.
Because I have absolutely had days where I woke up and could never inspire myself to get out of bed, thinking how miserable things in the news were. These pass mostly unremarked as I'm already disabled so some days if I don't need to be anywhere I can afford to lie around. I too often feel like it's all too much and the only way to handle personal struggles is to crassly ignore global struggles...but I don't have the right to entirely look away, nor the will to completely cut myself off the news, which would be the mentally safe route.
All I can think is to thank you for having the strength to never turn away so I can have the weakness and luxury of the choice to sometimes turn my head from the worst episodes of humanity.
You’re anything but weak. You’re a human being who cares about humanity. And you, like me — are walking through all of this authentically. Which is all we CAN do. But being there for one another, even if only just to say “I hear you. I understand.” Is not insignificant. It connects us in a healthy way.
...mmm. You're correct, of course. Sometimes I think this timeline is a result of our generation learning of WW II and thinking - as I suspect most of us did - "How did the people of Germany stand by and let these psychos take over everything?"
Well, we're finding out. And I, for one, wish I hadn't asked. Thank you for being there as we collectively find out though.
Hang in there JoJo! I can relate. I’m fortunate to live in sunny San Diego. With the crazy world we live in, it’s natural for an empathetic person to overdose on the heartbreaking news that compounds seemingly by the hour. That’s when I’ve learned to step into my backyard and take in the silence as I watch butterflies and hummingbirds dance. I consider it a necessary break for my aching soul. It’s how I healed from the sudden loss of my firstborn. I overcame the absurd guilt that I am not able to reach back into time and space, grasp his hand and pull him back to us. A mom is supposed to protect her kids even when they’re 49 years old and live thousands of miles away. My heart doesn’t always want to be realistic. Nature is what soothes every time. Need that way too often lately. Hang in there and know you are almost as good at getting many of us through the craziness as my butterflies. With so much love and appreciation for all you do. ♥️
Your empathy is an incredible attribute. Your words and advice are helpful to many of us experiencing the overwhelming events as of late.
It took me well into adulthood to realize that no matter how well I feel I'm handling stresses, my body will keep me honest. Stress will manifest itself physically. I'm still learning how to listen to my body. Remember, extend patience and grace to yourself, as you would to loved ones. Take care.
Oh Jo! I would bet most of us here suffer from one version of this or another. I usually notice I'm sleeping longer and napping longer when there is no reason to even nap. Being retired, I am lucky that I can do this and while it isn't "healthy" it won't harm me or mine either (much anyway?) I have been doing this since 45 was elected and I was working then! I also have little panic attacks when the news of something like Lewiston hits. Or that Johnson guy. OMG he has triggered me something awful. I have always been afraid of the religious right - dunno why, my family is plain Presbyterian and not at all over the top about it. Anyway, I usually try to avoid reading too much - tv is right out of the question, though I will check out you tube for Lawrence O'Donnell or Rachel Maddow. I try to alternate those with some entertainment of some sort. Lately it's Tim Minchin. He wrote a song for the 50th Anniversary of the Sydney Opera House which is full of joy and helped me through a few days.
Please remember, even with the best intentions, we can't protect our kids from everything. We do the best we can, and when it happens anyway, we step up. When our daughter was 28 she was diagnosed with leukemia. She went from a totally healthy person to being in the hospital for a solid month. It was a strange month, I went to work every day, and to the hospital after work stopping to get her food because she refused to eat hospital food. She had a boyfriend at the time who stayed over a lot and that helped her anyway. Some friends too. Me? I spent the time putting one foot in front of the other, taking each second one at a time etc. That September we went to Boston and she had a stem cell transplant. She is now "11" post transplant and healthy as a horse again. I guess because there was so much to "do" I couldn't even begin to worry where this invader came from, and you cannot worry that you didn't protect your son from (I'm assuming) sports he loves to play. One day at a time, One hour at a time, etc. etc. etc.
I can tell what an amazing mom you are from the pictures you post. Your kids get to do and see great things (that only kids in the NY metro area can!), you go to games and cheer them on too. Most importantly, your kids get to see you deal with life. The worst life can bring as well as the joys. They will learn resilience from all this. I want to be a fly on the wall when they tell their college roommate about their mom. It starts something like this: My mom was left by my dad with no money to keep our house and she.......
I'm glad you shared this because I WAS a wee bit worried, but no problems. We ALL are so plugged in, and it IS overwhelming to anyone who has a decent heart and yours is far beyond decent!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you for your honesty. I, too, have been there. Last week and times before and reading this makes me feel so much less alone. I, too, am in recovery and have been praying and saying the Serenity Prayer daily. My new partner asked me why I walked away from the local news and said “I’ve been here before and I know where this “Empathy Distress” (new term for me as well) leads--me unable to get out of bed, depression, wanting to escape. I sit here now with my dog at my side knowing that considering my job (of course, I work with trauma victims)--I have to pour in the good or I’ll fall again. Love you JoJo and all you do. 🌈🩷
There are so few words that I can add to this. But like most of your readers, I wish you best with your health situation. To me it is okay to be angry with the world and all of the atrocities that are happening on a daily basis. Yet, I feel that I am personally powerless to provide the necessary assistance to those who are suffering, you included. Emphatic concern is a term I have not heard before, and to me it is a lot like depression. Nonetheless, I know there is nothing too great, no problem in my life that cannot be overcome. I can provide/share examples of situations in my life that I managed to resolve by having a conversation with myself. JoJo, take a deep breath, relax and control the things you can control. You’ve got this and we have your back.
Mike, you took the words right out of my mouth. I have to thank my previous husband for introducing me to the 12-step programs. The Serenity Prayer repeated as needed has helped me through many crises. Living one day at a time really does make it easier. As we say in our meetings, Jo, keep coming. It works if you work it!
Well this certainly got my attention. I went to an intellectual place where my mind connects empathic people with having more difficulty separating their very nature when strong feelings of empathy are experienced. Because this is my situation. My emotions can run riot before I am conscious of wtf is happening. Emotional intelligence has always been incredibly difficult for me.
Emotions can be very difficult for most people who aren’t sociopaths or psychopaths. Not to mention narcissists. These mental states have zero ability to feel empathy and I would argue are inherently not empathic. Those are the people who are able to express and impose evil, inhumane acts on others, children and animals being the most victimized, bc they are the innocent ones most vulnerable.
My survival instinct is to intellectualize in order to avoid shutting down. In my case depression is the usual response to all the ugliness and horror. I’m unable to watch anything involving harm to children and animals, cannot watch horror movies or anything even remotely terrifying. Why I watch the news and follow politics is beyond me. But I do. I guess I need to know.
Turning to a belief in which I still can’t articulate is nonetheless soothing to my soul. The Serenity Prayer works miracles in times I need to disconnect from my overwhelming thoughts and feelings, plugging into something much greater.
I wish you love and peace Jo. Your vulnerability blows me away and is what makes you so special and so relatable. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this. My usual go-to is also to intellectualize. This blindsided me. I really didn’t understand why I couldn’t put this into pile A. And that into pile B. Why I couldn’t pull myself out. I think the atrocities in Israel were (are) so visceral, that it went far behind that which I could compartmentalize. I can only be who I am. I hid from myself for far too long. I can’t hide anymore. I’m a mess most of the time, but who isn’t? We should be able to talk to each other authentically. It can heal so many of the things we think divide us.
As a mom whose teenage son was recognizable on sight at the ER, be strong. You didn’t harm him. They’re up for that job from toddlerhood. Arms around you though. We need that from one another.
What you’ve given us here once again is your heart, the pain hard events, worse, horrible events, do to those of us you feel empathy so strong sometimes your body has to say hold on, what the hell are you thinking? Sit down. Pull back. Breath. Take a break and clear your head. Read a book - a stupid one. Or a movie of no social redeeming value and makes you laugh.
Strength doesn’t mean just powering through all this shit, it means doing those things you can however small it may seem, to make things better.
You have a great and remarkable heart, Jo. Protect it.
You always inspire me with your raw authenticity, Jojo.
We are all indeed complicated uniquely different human beings....and I would add we are all doing the best we can with the tools we have - our coping mechanisms.
Sometimes, our toolbox has just the right tool for the job, other times we find the tools we need are not exactly right, so we improvise, and then there are those times when we have no idea which tool to use or if we even have the right tool at all...and we know it's not going to end well...and our psyche is overwhelmed and we are immobilized - emotionally and physically drained.
Therapy can absolutely help us go through our tool boxes, keep the tools that work for us, throw out the ones that don't, and find tools we need.
When you changed from having a day job to immersing yourself in all the world's nonsense as your new career, it seems that you felt inside of the awfulness rather than observing from the outside. That may work for some people in terms of how to fight against it. But it may turn out not to be healthy for you, Jo, in which case you will want to find a new way that works for you. I don't do this full time so that's my separation, but you'll need to find what works for you - how you can continue to do the work that you find rewarding without ending up getting burned by the white hot horribleness that you are exposing and writing about. Stay healthy! 🤗 And wishing your son a speedy recovery.
Those of us that wear our heart on our sleeves process things differently. Our emotions are stronger. It doesn’t matter if it’s anger, happiness, or empathy. There is a reason we can’t watch a Hallmark card commercial without tearing up. Take care of your emotional badass self. Please give us updates along the way on how your son is doing. Sharing always seems to help.
Jo, your friends have written some wonderful responses here. You have created a community of people that truly care about you, so keep unloading here like you did with this piece; I do think it will help keep you grounded. Do you know or follow John Pavlovitz? Take a look at this group he founded; it might help you:
I often rely on the serenity prayer when I get overwhelmed. I admire the ability to put yourself in the others shoes and feel what they feel. Too many of us cannot see things from the other side. I no longer look for why I feel how I feel rather I look for how to change what I feel. I hope it makes sense. Admit when I stopped drinking and did get brutifully honest with myself. FYI the hardest thing I ever did. That is when the why no longer mattered. I could give you 300 reasons why I drink. Today I can only say I drink because I drink.
I still stay sober 1 day at a time. My dry date is Feb 15th. 1978.
May you always be you JOJO, may you always have the empathy it is what makes you amazing. May you find a way to not care for the why and only deal with changing how you feel. I for one love your openess thank you
Thank you Mike for being a total Fucking badass.
I once had the serenity prayer on my wall back home in NC, I wouldn’t even have to slow down to read it as I past it between my little kitchen and front living room, it was there and I know what it’s says and exactly what it meant. It’s perfect. We used it in Al Anon, they use it in AA. The wisest sayings are the simplest and shortest. Like serenity prayer
Thank you for writing this, in particular on this day. I won’t go through what is transpiring in my life. Suffice to say, that your words resonate with me and are helping me ease an immense pain deep in my soul. God bless you for always awakening in me a greater appreciation for life’s trials and tribulations. They do make us stronger. Namaste.
Sending love and support your way. ❤️
Oh my God! That is almost exactly my own story from my thirties. A single mother like you, I had bought my own place, working on my land in morning after working all night, got Lyme disease from clearing so much once heavily wooded pine, where the deer and buffalo roamed, waited to long to be diagnosed, every lymph node in my body swollen, couldn’t walk by the time I went to the ER, I’m the only one bringing in a pay check so...took months to get under control. Not long after I find my daughter had been “you know” years before at 9 years old by a close friend. Took her immediately for help, reported it etc...I would be at work, everything would start to go dark, I would almost faint, I convinced myself I was suffering from some unknown disease so I spent a year, “I call, “the dark year” my GP sending me to this specialist and that specialist and I was drained. Came home from work and collapsed every morning, no energy to even comb my hair. Nothing physical was ever found, no active Lyme, but my fingers were going crooked, every doctor I saw said depression from overload, I refused to be, that meant weakness, that meant my mother. I would not be weak.
My brain had different ideas. I’d already been suffering migraines for years-I know looking back what triggered them. But even with all this I was consumed with the holocaust. I watched and saw things, unimaginable atrocities committed by man, horrific images I couldn’t and wouldn’t stop thinking about. When asked how I could watch these things I would say, “somebody had to witness this,” somebody has to know and remember.” This was when so much was coming out about it, I was addicted to knowing. I believed it my duty as a human being to be a witness to these horrific evil deeds. I tried to put myself in the place of mothers walking into the showers cradling their baby’s, I would feel guilty if I turned my thoughts away from the images. It was my duty to feel guilty. Someone had to.
And all of this broke me.
I regret taking on so much. I still feel guilty for taking my children out of their home when they were 4 and 9 yrs old and causing their lives to be harder, so much harder than they would have been. Even though that was over thirty years ago it hits me. Guilt will destroy you. Empathy like yours where you needed to feel how the victims feel, feel everyone’s pain.
Empathetic Distress. I have a name now. Thank you for that. Feeling guilty for “not suffering” as they do.
I didnt have a name to put to it when I suddenly over night went from being a news junky to going cold turkey and cut out all televised news, got rid of cable news, if I need to follow something like the elections or insurrection I got to NBC or the once king of them all Walter Cronkites CBS. I know now my brain acted fast to save me from some of the terribleness of everything going on today-it’s scary-and absorbing it day by day I got depressed again.
I follow you, I get the AP,”just the facts mam,” and go on my Tribel. And of course Dan Rathers Steady and Jeff T.
But, not just saying this, yours is the very best. You give everything to your readers, more than we deserve of you but you do it, you trust us that much and we love you for it. Don’t let the world beat you up, just being aware doesn’t mean it can’t happen again and you won’t even realize it until it’s put you right back in the bed flat on your back.
JoJoFromJerz your son, line mine now grown, will understand one day. I know how that feels. Hang in there and thank you for giving us so much of your humanity.
❤️❤️❤️
I know I get long winded
I love it!! Thank you for trusting us with your stories. ❤️
You make it comfortable.
See...and I read this, and I want to say something that will give ease, and comfort, and soothe you. But if I'm being honest, what's running through my mind is "Why hasn't this happened to me...and when will it?"
Yeah, selfish, I know. Shitty, too. And maybe cutting myself off as far from the world as I have (you were my first source the Maine shooting even happened), maybe I distanced myself enough that I won't be overwhelmed at some point...but I expect to be.
Because I have absolutely had days where I woke up and could never inspire myself to get out of bed, thinking how miserable things in the news were. These pass mostly unremarked as I'm already disabled so some days if I don't need to be anywhere I can afford to lie around. I too often feel like it's all too much and the only way to handle personal struggles is to crassly ignore global struggles...but I don't have the right to entirely look away, nor the will to completely cut myself off the news, which would be the mentally safe route.
All I can think is to thank you for having the strength to never turn away so I can have the weakness and luxury of the choice to sometimes turn my head from the worst episodes of humanity.
You’re anything but weak. You’re a human being who cares about humanity. And you, like me — are walking through all of this authentically. Which is all we CAN do. But being there for one another, even if only just to say “I hear you. I understand.” Is not insignificant. It connects us in a healthy way.
...mmm. You're correct, of course. Sometimes I think this timeline is a result of our generation learning of WW II and thinking - as I suspect most of us did - "How did the people of Germany stand by and let these psychos take over everything?"
Well, we're finding out. And I, for one, wish I hadn't asked. Thank you for being there as we collectively find out though.
Hang in there JoJo! I can relate. I’m fortunate to live in sunny San Diego. With the crazy world we live in, it’s natural for an empathetic person to overdose on the heartbreaking news that compounds seemingly by the hour. That’s when I’ve learned to step into my backyard and take in the silence as I watch butterflies and hummingbirds dance. I consider it a necessary break for my aching soul. It’s how I healed from the sudden loss of my firstborn. I overcame the absurd guilt that I am not able to reach back into time and space, grasp his hand and pull him back to us. A mom is supposed to protect her kids even when they’re 49 years old and live thousands of miles away. My heart doesn’t always want to be realistic. Nature is what soothes every time. Need that way too often lately. Hang in there and know you are almost as good at getting many of us through the craziness as my butterflies. With so much love and appreciation for all you do. ♥️
Your empathy is an incredible attribute. Your words and advice are helpful to many of us experiencing the overwhelming events as of late.
It took me well into adulthood to realize that no matter how well I feel I'm handling stresses, my body will keep me honest. Stress will manifest itself physically. I'm still learning how to listen to my body. Remember, extend patience and grace to yourself, as you would to loved ones. Take care.
Oh Jo! I would bet most of us here suffer from one version of this or another. I usually notice I'm sleeping longer and napping longer when there is no reason to even nap. Being retired, I am lucky that I can do this and while it isn't "healthy" it won't harm me or mine either (much anyway?) I have been doing this since 45 was elected and I was working then! I also have little panic attacks when the news of something like Lewiston hits. Or that Johnson guy. OMG he has triggered me something awful. I have always been afraid of the religious right - dunno why, my family is plain Presbyterian and not at all over the top about it. Anyway, I usually try to avoid reading too much - tv is right out of the question, though I will check out you tube for Lawrence O'Donnell or Rachel Maddow. I try to alternate those with some entertainment of some sort. Lately it's Tim Minchin. He wrote a song for the 50th Anniversary of the Sydney Opera House which is full of joy and helped me through a few days.
Please remember, even with the best intentions, we can't protect our kids from everything. We do the best we can, and when it happens anyway, we step up. When our daughter was 28 she was diagnosed with leukemia. She went from a totally healthy person to being in the hospital for a solid month. It was a strange month, I went to work every day, and to the hospital after work stopping to get her food because she refused to eat hospital food. She had a boyfriend at the time who stayed over a lot and that helped her anyway. Some friends too. Me? I spent the time putting one foot in front of the other, taking each second one at a time etc. That September we went to Boston and she had a stem cell transplant. She is now "11" post transplant and healthy as a horse again. I guess because there was so much to "do" I couldn't even begin to worry where this invader came from, and you cannot worry that you didn't protect your son from (I'm assuming) sports he loves to play. One day at a time, One hour at a time, etc. etc. etc.
I can tell what an amazing mom you are from the pictures you post. Your kids get to do and see great things (that only kids in the NY metro area can!), you go to games and cheer them on too. Most importantly, your kids get to see you deal with life. The worst life can bring as well as the joys. They will learn resilience from all this. I want to be a fly on the wall when they tell their college roommate about their mom. It starts something like this: My mom was left by my dad with no money to keep our house and she.......
I'm glad you shared this because I WAS a wee bit worried, but no problems. We ALL are so plugged in, and it IS overwhelming to anyone who has a decent heart and yours is far beyond decent!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you for your honesty. I, too, have been there. Last week and times before and reading this makes me feel so much less alone. I, too, am in recovery and have been praying and saying the Serenity Prayer daily. My new partner asked me why I walked away from the local news and said “I’ve been here before and I know where this “Empathy Distress” (new term for me as well) leads--me unable to get out of bed, depression, wanting to escape. I sit here now with my dog at my side knowing that considering my job (of course, I work with trauma victims)--I have to pour in the good or I’ll fall again. Love you JoJo and all you do. 🌈🩷
There are so few words that I can add to this. But like most of your readers, I wish you best with your health situation. To me it is okay to be angry with the world and all of the atrocities that are happening on a daily basis. Yet, I feel that I am personally powerless to provide the necessary assistance to those who are suffering, you included. Emphatic concern is a term I have not heard before, and to me it is a lot like depression. Nonetheless, I know there is nothing too great, no problem in my life that cannot be overcome. I can provide/share examples of situations in my life that I managed to resolve by having a conversation with myself. JoJo, take a deep breath, relax and control the things you can control. You’ve got this and we have your back.
Mike, you took the words right out of my mouth. I have to thank my previous husband for introducing me to the 12-step programs. The Serenity Prayer repeated as needed has helped me through many crises. Living one day at a time really does make it easier. As we say in our meetings, Jo, keep coming. It works if you work it!
Well this certainly got my attention. I went to an intellectual place where my mind connects empathic people with having more difficulty separating their very nature when strong feelings of empathy are experienced. Because this is my situation. My emotions can run riot before I am conscious of wtf is happening. Emotional intelligence has always been incredibly difficult for me.
Emotions can be very difficult for most people who aren’t sociopaths or psychopaths. Not to mention narcissists. These mental states have zero ability to feel empathy and I would argue are inherently not empathic. Those are the people who are able to express and impose evil, inhumane acts on others, children and animals being the most victimized, bc they are the innocent ones most vulnerable.
My survival instinct is to intellectualize in order to avoid shutting down. In my case depression is the usual response to all the ugliness and horror. I’m unable to watch anything involving harm to children and animals, cannot watch horror movies or anything even remotely terrifying. Why I watch the news and follow politics is beyond me. But I do. I guess I need to know.
Turning to a belief in which I still can’t articulate is nonetheless soothing to my soul. The Serenity Prayer works miracles in times I need to disconnect from my overwhelming thoughts and feelings, plugging into something much greater.
I wish you love and peace Jo. Your vulnerability blows me away and is what makes you so special and so relatable. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this. My usual go-to is also to intellectualize. This blindsided me. I really didn’t understand why I couldn’t put this into pile A. And that into pile B. Why I couldn’t pull myself out. I think the atrocities in Israel were (are) so visceral, that it went far behind that which I could compartmentalize. I can only be who I am. I hid from myself for far too long. I can’t hide anymore. I’m a mess most of the time, but who isn’t? We should be able to talk to each other authentically. It can heal so many of the things we think divide us.
As a mom whose teenage son was recognizable on sight at the ER, be strong. You didn’t harm him. They’re up for that job from toddlerhood. Arms around you though. We need that from one another.
What you’ve given us here once again is your heart, the pain hard events, worse, horrible events, do to those of us you feel empathy so strong sometimes your body has to say hold on, what the hell are you thinking? Sit down. Pull back. Breath. Take a break and clear your head. Read a book - a stupid one. Or a movie of no social redeeming value and makes you laugh.
Strength doesn’t mean just powering through all this shit, it means doing those things you can however small it may seem, to make things better.
You have a great and remarkable heart, Jo. Protect it.
You always inspire me with your raw authenticity, Jojo.
We are all indeed complicated uniquely different human beings....and I would add we are all doing the best we can with the tools we have - our coping mechanisms.
Sometimes, our toolbox has just the right tool for the job, other times we find the tools we need are not exactly right, so we improvise, and then there are those times when we have no idea which tool to use or if we even have the right tool at all...and we know it's not going to end well...and our psyche is overwhelmed and we are immobilized - emotionally and physically drained.
Therapy can absolutely help us go through our tool boxes, keep the tools that work for us, throw out the ones that don't, and find tools we need.
❤️
When you changed from having a day job to immersing yourself in all the world's nonsense as your new career, it seems that you felt inside of the awfulness rather than observing from the outside. That may work for some people in terms of how to fight against it. But it may turn out not to be healthy for you, Jo, in which case you will want to find a new way that works for you. I don't do this full time so that's my separation, but you'll need to find what works for you - how you can continue to do the work that you find rewarding without ending up getting burned by the white hot horribleness that you are exposing and writing about. Stay healthy! 🤗 And wishing your son a speedy recovery.
Those of us that wear our heart on our sleeves process things differently. Our emotions are stronger. It doesn’t matter if it’s anger, happiness, or empathy. There is a reason we can’t watch a Hallmark card commercial without tearing up. Take care of your emotional badass self. Please give us updates along the way on how your son is doing. Sharing always seems to help.
Jo, your friends have written some wonderful responses here. You have created a community of people that truly care about you, so keep unloading here like you did with this piece; I do think it will help keep you grounded. Do you know or follow John Pavlovitz? Take a look at this group he founded; it might help you:
https://empatheticpeople.com/
Also, look into meditation if you haven’t. I am investigating it myself as a way to defend against the dark side of life. You are not alone.